THERAPY IN MOTION | SPECIAL GUEST BIG BROTHER ROB | PART 2

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's the deal? And we back with another episode of Therapy in Motion. I'm your host, King OJ, and today we back with another one. I had to bring back my uh bro, my big bro Rob. Um it was a lot that we touch on, so you know we're gonna get back to it. So we're gonna start with the wellness check. How you feeling, Brody? I'm feeling good. How you feeling? I'm good, I'm good. Can't complain, can't complain. Um Well, let's just, you know, dive on in there. Um So a little bit that I wanna get back to is uh getting to your getting to know you more as far as your upbringing.

unknown 0:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Like, you know, you as a child, like how was life, you know, coming up?

SPEAKER_01 0:52

I mean, it was life. I mean, you know, I was a kid, like, so I was just um doing the average what the kids was doing. I was outside playing, trying to hoop, like playing with my cousins, playing with um everybody on the block. Like, it wasn't nothing special, like regular upbringing bringing, I guess. Like, I don't have nothing to like put up against it. Like, I believe it was a decent upbringing if I say so.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

No, that's what's up. I'm saying like what like more so like what did you get into? Like, what was things that you probably enjoyed doing outside of hooping? Like, of course, you know you got stuff that we all do that's you know, uh like hobbies. Like me and you both we we like hooping a lot. But I'm saying outside of that, you know, we have our personal hobbies or you know what I'm saying, whatever it was that, you know, we used to do on our own time.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Most of it was hooping, to be honest. Like I did a little d drawing. I um I would like to go to the movies and a lot of stuff like that. But my my majority thing I did was basketball. I played a little football too, but majority of the thing I did play basketball.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Nah, that's what's up. So um, since that is what you did with the majority of your time, what drew you to basketball?

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Well, when I was I was little, man, probably like three, four. I couldn't comprehend it, but I saw when um Isaiah Thomas played for Indiana Hoos, and um, they won a chip, they won a championship. And I watched him cutting down the nets and all, and everybody was happy, and popping champagne and all that stuff, and just fell in love with it from there. After that, I got I was getting out there trying to play myself. Got me a little Jordan Jammer, you know what I'm saying? A couple people outside hooping, you know, that's where that's where it started.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

So for the people that don't know you, like, was you any good growing up?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

I'd say I was decent, you know. I was pretty good hooping, though. I don't want to like pat myself on the back too much, but I could do my thing, you know, I could do a little bit of everything. Shoot, defend.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

That's what's up. So did you ever play for any teams? I played for uh Central, Detroit Central. Oh, okay, that's what's up. That's what's up. Did y'all go somewhere? Like uh city championship, states or something like that?

SPEAKER_01 3:18

When I was there, we didn't go to the we went to the states. We didn't win it, but we went to the states um a couple times and um a couple of um tournaments and like crossover games, like crossover teams like we like Berkeley and all, everybody in A Reef and all that stuff. We used to play um Catholic Central, uh Wall A Central. Played all those teams, so but we did pretty good in the tournaments, but we didn't win the um states when I was.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Oh, okay. So how did like as far as you went, did it make you want to go even further with the sport or like how what was your mindset on that?

SPEAKER_01 3:57

I mean, I wanted to uh of course had the uh NBA aspirations. Okay, you know, but like to be honest, no, I went with my off God given talent. Like I ain't practiced my craft like that. Like I practiced, but like, no, I ain't gonna all play, running the plays and all that stuff. I was like, raw, like, just out there. Yeah, you know, and um, and that go back to anxiety, like some places I used to go who I didn't show up sometime because my anxiety, like, wasn't familiar. Yeah, I kind of used to shy away, don't forget the ball sometimes, you know. Yeah. I I still defend, but I won't be aggressive on offense. I like kind of shy away from the ball. Like I'm not comfortable. I just I'd be out there, I'd do something, but my offensive game wasn't my um usual offensive game, you know what I'm saying? Because I had like a pretty good package, you know, post-up, shoot the J, like, but sometimes I wouldn't show up because anxiety and um different um atmosphere.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Okay, so alright, so having anxiety on the court, was it the did it give you the same feeling like anxiety off the court would get you?

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Like was it the same, like to be honest, I'm not 100% sure because like I said, I didn't know it was anxiety. I know as an adult now, back then, I didn't know it was anxiety. I know what was going on. Like, it was like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, sometimes I come out, show out a little bit. Other times, right. I shy away when he go get the ball. Different days, different times.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

I didn't know what I was gonna do with. So what did you do? Like, when it would, you know, happen, did you just play through it or like what what was your response to, even though you didn't know it was anxiety, you know it, you felt like, you didn't feel like yourself in that moment. So what would you do? Would you just still play through it, knowing that it's an awkwardness there, or did you?

SPEAKER_01 6:01

I didn't know, so I still tried to play through it. Also, you know, like I said, Isaiah Thomas was my guy. Yeah. I wanted to be 6'1, I ended up being like 6'1. I wanted to be 6'1, I wanted to be a point guard. Yeah. I'm coming up, I did all point guard things. I tried to learn triple into all the different techniques, how to distribute the ball and all that. And when I got there, I got this entry. You know, my coach would call me Mac. I said, Mac, he put me a small four. And at that time when I was coming, small four is one of the scarpers there. Right, right. Mark McGuire, uh Scottie Pippen. But I didn't like them, you know what I'm saying? I like point guards. I like I said, so you know how we think. I'm thinking um Coach Hayden. Yeah. He put me in small four. Damn plus, everybody at small four, everybody was like three or four inches taller.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Everybody I checked, that's another reason why I didn't score too.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Because every time they get put me in the post, I gotta do four inches averaging, four inches taller than. You know, that's how that's how I learned the teardrops. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

Right. So was your defense any good? Like, so if it was your scoring that you struggle with a little bit because your uh opponents was a little taller, did do you think your defense was, you know, good or what?

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Nothing to my own horn, but I know my defense was good. Okay. That's what's up. That's what's up.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Okay, I uh I can dig that. Um, so is it any other things that you like to do outside of, you know, that you might want to elaborate on? Like whether it be 15 years. You know, it could it could even be, you know, up until like 20 or so, you know what I'm saying? Like just you growing up, like the evolution of you basically.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

I mean, in my teens, still the same thing. Really well, let me say prior um mostly basketball, but you know, my friends start going like to the mall, hanging out, okay, movies hanging out, bowling, uh drive in Ford, uh, Wyoming. You know, they still up and running, too. Yeah, I know they still up. I rolled faster not too long ago. Yeah. Like that was my little thing, and you know, I we put football in there, we play baseball sometimes. We play all the different sports. And you know, like uh when I was a kid, I played freeze tag, pick up, you know, the real all the other things.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Right. Even try a little soccer here and there. No, I feel you though. That's at the end of the day, a lot of us do that. We just play every sport just because it's there. Like, yeah, you get a soccer ball for Christmas, now you just gonna play with it naturally, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Now you're Christian all um Christian Ronaldo.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Man messy. No cap. No, that's what's up though. So what was the atmosphere? First off, what side of the uh state or city did you live on? Like where where you grew up, um, mainly as a child or up until your teenage years, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Uh mixture of uh Tuck City with Linwood and Island Park.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

So the west side. Oh yeah, yeah, what's that? So what like what was that atmosphere like? You trying to go around and play basketball, go to school, you know, your day-to-day, what was that atmosphere like?

SPEAKER_01 9:37

Well, I mean, I've been out for a while, so it's hard for me for me to remember, you know what I'm saying? 30 years or whatnot. Yeah. You know, from my memory, like, I guess the average school, well, we well, like I told you, last um podcast, you know, elementary, even though I was on, I went to school on a numbers pretty school for like Hispanic kids, the white kids, a little proper. So my transition to my regular neighborhood was kind of rough because you know, I guess they like, like this dark, he's dark skin and talking all proper. Like, what's this dude deal? What's wrong with him? Think he's better than I had to like go through a couple trials and triple Asi with him to um like find a common thing that we try to like make we became friends and all that stuff. But to the end, it was kind of rough at the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Okay, I got you. Did you have like siblings outside of course outside of me, but like do you have any other siblings? Uh yeah, I got two sisters.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

They like one of them is like 12 years old younger than me. And the other one is 15 years younger than me. So no, I was like solo most of them.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

No, like 12, I was solo. Mmm, so no cu like not the cousins and none of the uncles and whatnot.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

What did you say grew up in my house?

SPEAKER_00 11:01

No, I was saying well, I was asking multiple questions. So, yeah, the first thing was about the siblings, like, did you have any siblings? But then you said you was a solo kid. So that made me think, like, alright, so did you not have cousins around and whatnot?

SPEAKER_01 11:16

Yes, and no, like I had a couple around my age um I hung out with. Like I tell um, when we with our pops and stuff, I was being with uh Brandy Num and Andre.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

No, uh D D. Oh, okay, all right, bet. I forgot it's the older one then shit, I can't. Toy Toy. Oh, alright, alright, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

So I was go over there um with them. Hang out with them and stuff. And I had like a couple uh my mom's side to go hang out with them. All my most because I hang out with the most, a lot younger.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Okay. So we're gonna transition into our brotherhood and we're gonna, you know, break this down for the people.

unknown 12:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Your memory might be better than mine on this. Yeah. When we first like locked in, locked in, because excuse me. Uh we brothers and all, but we definitely grew up in two separate households. Yeah. But it's like outside of that, uh, we wind up being closer later on in life than we was earlier in the earlier days.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

So I don't remember exactly when it was, but like if you could help me out with that, if you remember, like roughly around how old you might have been or I might have been. When uh we started like took off like hanging out and everything? No, like when we first, like, this your brother, what's the deal? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Like, oh man, probably you probably about that I can remember probably like five, five or so. He brought you over, back seat, and I'm like, this dude got like this little dude have like the same face as me. Like, you know, he kind of tripped me out. I was like, I know I I know he's my brother, but still I had never really seen nobody to like look like me like that. Yeah. So it kind of tripped me out. But like, yeah, he's come over, um, he used to bring over every now and then, then like meet up and make up, be over with us a few times. Periodically, like throughout the years.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Right. Shout out to sis.

unknown 13:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

So yeah, I mean, with me, I just remember, I think y'all lived on Louise. Yeah, yeah, hella bro. Um and he just was like, yeah, we about to pull up on your bro real quick. I'm like, okay, cool. But for some reason, I ain't gonna lie, every time, every time I used to see you, you used to remind me of mystical every time because you had your do-rag and shit on. So I'm like, bro, remind me of mystical and shit.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

So mystical, my guy too.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Man, that I swear to God, bro, he was my favorite rapper back then. So I'm like, alright, my favorite rapper, this must be my favorite bros. Yeah. It's crazy. Then we both like winning too, so that's crazy. Man, no cap, no cap, no cap. But uh, yeah, so back then it was like, I I wish though, by us like being, like, we'd see each other pop in and I was like, shit like that. So sometimes I'll be like, damn, I wish I just had like the consistency of it, you feel me? And I was just like, at the same time, that's pop's job to, you know what I'm saying, get that, make that relationship what it is, what it's supposed to be. And so for me and my kids, that's why I made sure with my sons, I said, no matter what, y'all stick together, you feel me? But don't ever let your brother get you in some shit. Right. So still have your own mind, but don't ever turn your back on your brother. You know what I'm saying? Like, all y'all need to have a close knit. Sometimes I be like, damn, I think they against me. Like I done built some shit against me. You done created a monster, huh? Man, I swear, I swear. I asked my youngest son, like, hey dad, your brother do this, this, and that. And he'll calmly be like, nah. And I'm like, bro, that's the same way I used to say the shit when I knew something was up. You know what I'm saying? So I'm like, it's crazy, but I do love how close they is. And even with my daughter though, I tell them all, because you know how older siblings can be sometimes. Yeah. Even though we never had this issue, but like sometimes older siblings try to like leave out the little sibling, you know what I'm saying? So I tell them, like, nah, y'all better love her and be with her just like y'all is together, you know what I'm saying? So they they pretty cool with as far as that goes. But to get back to uh how it was with us though, it was like that just made me think, like, damn, what if my big bro was around to show me this or show me that? You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't even know what I need to be showed, but I need to be shown something. Like, you know what I'm saying? So that's one thing, and I'm like, first I would think like, damn, did you not care to come over there? And then I'm like, no, I started grabbing my own like mixture of what the reality was. I'm like, nah, this dude ain't, he ain't putting together this family dynamic the way it's supposed to be. Because it could have been way better, but at the same time, for me, I appreciate where we at today though. Right, absolutely. So I ain't tripping about where it wasn't, but it was just that's how I was feeling in the moment, though. Right, right, right. So what what was your uh thoughts on that? Like, what was your thoughts on, or how do you feel about where I'm coming from, and what is your own thoughts on where we was in that moment?

SPEAKER_01 17:27

I mean, I can understand um your point of view, and I um understand it. And like me, it was just like I was bringing out like bring um little bro through when he brings him through, he bring my sister through when he brings her through. Like I ain't really trip about it, but I just knew I was gonna see y'all eventually, and that's about um it. I um but I I I I go I was going with um with the flow, like a lot of stuff. Like I didn't like really trip about stuff or question what people were saying. Like I just thought that's how he um brought y'all through. Yeah, they all came through, like sort of love and all that, but should have like kind of like went about in my own self. Because I was like, I was petering on um being an adult. I was probably like 18 then. Right, right. You know, and I should've took it upon myself when I got driving and all that stuff. But I just went with the flow.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Right. So where was y'all where do you feel that y'all's relationship was in that moment? In that moment when he's bringing you guys through? Yeah, like between you and our pops, like where do you feel that y'all relationship was in that moment?

SPEAKER_01 18:47

See, it's kind of it's kind of funny because like I understand now as an adult, you know, mom Mary, he ain't wanna like cause the drama. So he just kind of stayed away. Uh African World Festival. Like he take me to a spot where he um taught everybody where to how to swim. You know, went out into the lunches and stuff like that, and always came through like for my birthday and all that stuff. So like I said, I didn't really question nothing. And I don't know, I didn't have a feeling about our relationship. That's thought about our relationship, you know what I'm saying? And like my mom, she never talked bad on him or anything. So I didn't have no disdain against him. Like, like I just thought that was um our relationship. I didn't uh question anything. When I seen him, it was the love.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Right. Yeah, no, I feel that, I feel that. Um that was one thing, like he did attempt to do a lot for damn near everybody kid that was born. Like so it was like that's where I get, you know what I'm saying, how I am with people, kids, and stuff like that. Like both of my um kids' mamas, you know, they got other kids that's not mine, but in my mind, they my kids too. So it's like the other day we went to uh what is that CJ Barrymore's for my daughter's brother's birthday. But then I had my son's little brother with me too. He was with me the whole time. We playing little Marvel games and on a VR set shooting dinosaurs and shit, you know what I'm saying? It's like he having a good time. That's what's up. But that's just where I feel like it's natural. Like, sometimes you can't fight who you are, you know what I'm saying? Like, you just naturally, the genetics is there. So even if, you know what I'm saying, you like don't know, you cannot even know your parent, but the whole time you exactly like them for real. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So it's just crazy how that worked. That's just genetics. Yeah. So for me, um, growing up with them, it was it was a lot. It was good, it was it was questionable stuff, but all in all, I'm not gonna sit here and bash him, cuz I'm gonna be real. Only thing I will say is I just think he he could have did more. That ain't bashing him. I just know he could have did more because he wasn't the bum. You know what I'm saying? Not at all. Like you you banking, you know what I'm saying? Like, not even to to brag, but bro, you balling, bro. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? So it's like me feeling like I should never have a list. Not even saying that I gotta have the latest of everything, but I just feel like I should never be last, you know what I'm saying? So that was just my only thing. But I can say like I appreciate a lot of stuff that even stuff I done forgot he probably talked to me about. But I can say I appreciate just when it was, you know what I'm saying, the good vibes and everything that you tried to instill in me.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

You know what I'm saying? Uh and just one thing I say too, have more faith in your kids.

SPEAKER_03 22:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Because that was one thing I didn't think he had in me is faith. The way he should have. I think he had a little faith, but it took for me to prove him wrong too many times for him to just be like, yeah, I got fuck it, I gotta have faith. You know what I'm saying? So it's like it, I think it got to that point.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

But it was just like, and by the way, it was unbelievable stuff I was doing. Like I I had an F and I think it was algebra three. And then the following semester, like the second card mark, and I had an F. The third card mark, and I went from an F to an A plus. So it ain't like it was some, you know, stuff that everybody just be doing. So I get why you questioned it.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

But I was like, damn, but it's me though. Still, give me the benefit of the doubt, you feel me? Yeah. But overall, though, I I just appreciate the example of being a man as far as at least trying to take care of everybody's kids who ain't even yours.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Even adults, taking care of adults and kids. Absolutely. Everybody calling on you. Yeah. And then it's like how I felt with him. I'm like, you're gonna keep doing that though. And then when you need to call on people, they ain't gonna be there. Right. Unless you got the right people that you doing for. What I knew he wasn't doing for the right people.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

But um, yeah, so going on into finding out about, you know, his illness and whatnot, for the people that don't know, he had, what was it? What was the cancer?

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Multiple myeloma.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Multiple myeloma? Okay, yeah. So it progressed so crazy. Yeah, that um he was, for people who don't know him, he was the life of the party. Like, you feel his energy no matter what. You know what I'm saying? Like, the the bro, I promise you, it's so crazy. When I was in elementary school, bro, I knew when I was about to get my ass whooped. And I ain't even see him. I will smell his cologne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He ain't even, I ain't seen him, nobody seen him. I'm like, I know I'm about to see his face pop up in this little window at the door. Every time, bro. I'm like, damn, I could be doing good the whole week and Friday. I just went up. Like, and it always be from cracking jokes and shit, getting in trouble for laughing, bro, which was crazy as hell, bro. But it was just so crazy, bro. Um, he was the life of the party, like, you know what I'm saying? So going from that to like when that cancer progressed the way that it did, and he wasn't talking no more, I really couldn't even comprehend that shit, bro.

SPEAKER_02 25:30

Yeah, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

I'm looking like, wait, what? Like, I'm used to somebody coming in the door talking about where the food at, you know what I'm saying, where the money at? And you know what I'm saying, just talking, you know what I'm saying, talking us talk.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

So I'm like, when it just wasn't there no more, I'm like, it started kind of like setting in, and I kinda really was preparing myself for it mentally, because I would be like his go-to for running his numbers. You know he ain't until he passed, bro, he was still running them motherfucking numbers off. Like, like, hey, go play this midday and evening.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Like, bro, you playing$400 in a lottery. How much is you about to hit off these tickets? Bro, you already got it, actually. Hey, and be smacking them too though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, I didn't hit for$10,000 on this one. Yeah, I just hit for$7,000 on uh last week. Like, bro, but it's just crazy, bro, like to go from that to nah you ain't you ain't saying nothing, and I'm just like, that shit low key was just eating at me. I'm like, bro, this is weird as hell. And then it's it's so crazy for me. Cause I was there like every day, because I'm having to do, I turned into his barber, bro.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

What's up, that's what's up.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Yeah, he was going to the barber college, and I'm looking like, bro, I could cut your hair, dog. Like, they not getting you together, bro. Like, that just ain't it. You know, one of my greatest accomplishments, bro, I gave him a boosie fade when he turned 62. It was so crispy, bro. I swear it was too crispy. And I was so sick, bro. This is why I never messed with an Android phone again. The pictures that I had from all, like everything we was doing, bro. Androids, I don't know if they still do this, but back then, if your phone dropped and everything fall out, like your battery and all that, your your SD card might fly out too. It formatted my SD card, bro, and erased everything. Everything, bro. I was sick. That's when I really just stopped having attachments to like materialistic stuff. Because it was nothing I could do in that moment. It was just like all my memories gone. Like, if I don't remember it, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. In my head, it's like it's over with. Like, I ain't had no pictures nowhere else. Like I ain't have too many, you know, we don't take pictures like that, you know, coming up. We would like our OGs probably dead or like grandma number, but like we wasn't taking pictures like that, you know what I'm saying? So, but yeah, so like, how did that make you feel when you first found out about his illness? When he first, you know, found out he had cancer.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Ironically, that's when we were um hooping on the block on Whitney. We was um we were hooping. He rolled up on the bike and like sweating real bad and like out of breath and everything. And I'm like, Well him and everything. Like, I ain't never seen him really out of breath all that. But he's like, I'm alright, just had a long ride. Like, you cool? Are you sweating pretty bad and all that? You know, I'm good, and I'm just I just rolled from kind of far. Seems like him. Then when when he uh we got came with her a couple times, and one another time he's like kind of disoriented, like he talking to us, but you know, when he came over, he's talking about like going all the way there. Like he was looking at us like like like confused. Then you know, we found out. I think I think he started renting Russell for the hospital one time. I don't know if he's dehydrated or what, he started to the hospital and he you know diagnosis. Damn, that time I ain't keen, I didn't really know about plugging. So I'm thinking, what's the survival raid? Catch it early, you catch it early, you can uh get rid of it. But I mean, he went into uh remission, didn't he? Um remission for a minute.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

I don't remember exactly when, but it did go into remission at one point though. Yeah, I think maybe two years in or something like that. Yeah, then we were home, like hanging out talking stuff again, take stuff.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

You still go like another time. You don't look like that.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

And he had some stents where he like had to stay in the home.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

Yeah, at the nursing facility. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

And we was going up there, you know, going get him some clothes and stuff. And he's like, you you uh made him mad that one day because you bought him them shirts from Walmart. Man, he's like, you got him, he turned into a Jamaican like bumba clock. Like, you he don't bring, I got nice clothes, he bring me this shirt from Walmart, bum baclock. Man, because you know how he was about that dress. Yeah, he was about that dressing.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Man, he uh man, one day he got mad as hell. I think it's because I ain't play his numbers, bro. But I went up to the nurse, I forgot what it was, but he instantly, as soon as I left, he got right on the phone. He thought he called somebody else, but he called me. He's like, man, I think boy on drugs. Talking about you, damn. I thought you really for real. He didn't even wait to see who asked for the phone. Instantly was like, yeah, man, I think boy on drugs. I'm like, damn. I was smoking weed, but I'm like, you know what I'm saying? I wasn't on nothing. I'm like, damn. But yeah, that that shit was crazy. But uh, yeah, so did you have more about yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Okay. You know, then I was like kept starting uh running his errands for him, like going on to the credit union for him. Mm-hmm. Uh like go pay his take his pay his bills and stuff. And he wanna get out, and you know he used to go out, and that's what his daughter for she liked uh ribs, so he's gonna tell him.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

I can't remember the name of the place. Well, Papa's or Happy's?

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Happy's.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

Like on clockwork, it's like um he wanna do his um, he likes to run his errands on Tuesdays. So we go run his um errands on Tuesday right on queue. I get my granddaughter um ribs, she liked the ribs. You got her some ribs last week. I'm getting her some ribs this week too. Yeah. You know, so uh we still was like running around, going a little places. He still was like getting out, you know, getting up some fresh air and all that stuff. And he was like teeter tottering. Sometimes he be real good, sometimes it'd be kind of bad. Sometimes people get out of bed, but other times you have a boost of energy and like take me here. I wanna go pay the bill myself.

unknown 33:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

What's up?

SPEAKER_01 33:03

We feeling good. I I like it.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Yeah. Yeah, so how did like okay, I got the car, like after everything progressed or whatever that, you know, he was in hospice and I found out through one of my little brothers, ain't nobody even called me to tell me, like, yeah, he in hospice, whatever, whoop woop whoop. So I'm like, wait, what? He like, okay, this is how my brother said it. He like, um, yeah, why your pops bed outside? I'm like, what? He like, yeah, bro, your pops bed outside. I said, bro, go knock on the door. He, after he talked to them or whatever, he like, yeah, bro, they say your pops in hospice. I'm like, so why ain't nobody call me then?

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Like, how y'all just send somebody off and don't, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Inform me at all. So remind you, bro, at this point in time, I don't even know what hospice is. I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

To be honest, I didn't know what it was either. When you I found out I didn't know what it was either.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

Yeah, I never in my life knew nobody that ever been in hospice. So I'm thinking that's like uh another one of them uh nursing facilities that's gonna get you back. But I'm thinking they do more in-depth stuff.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

I thought it was a special nurse, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:31

Yeah, I'm thinking they like really on that. So I'm like, okay, that's cool, that makes sense and whatnot. So um I get off work or whatever. I'm like, uh, I'm going straight up there. I leave right when he tells me that. I'm like, hold on, bro. Get the name of it or whatever. I go right up there. So he there remind you, it progressed from first he was talking, doing all, you know, doing his normal.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

Then he was, it was like he was struggling to talk. Like it was like when he talked, he out of breath. Yeah. And then it went from that to him not talking at all. He'll just be looking. And then I'm like, damn near, I'm I'm already knowing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But I'm still like, no, God gonna, you know what I'm saying, spin the block real fast. So I get up there, a couple people came. Um I'm up there with my mama for the most part. She had wound up coming with a couple of my siblings. And uh he wasn't really responding at all, but like he wanted water. So you know how he was about like ice water and stuff. So he like was really, he really was in love with having ice water or tea or lemonade, you feel me? Which is probably why I love tea and lemonade for real. But it's so crazy, bro. So I'm there, I'm just chilling. I'm watching the game, I'm on the phone. I'm really not trying to be emotional in that moment. Yeah. So I'm just like doing other stuff to not focus on he not looking so good right now. Yeah. So after a while, I'm just like, hey bro, let me call you back or whatever. So I get off the phone and I just sit next to him. And it's like 12. I'm just playing music and whatnot. And it was so crazy, bro, because through all of the like stuff, I'll just start having flashbacks. You know what I'm saying? I'm just sitting there chilling, just having flashbacks. And it just blew me, bro, because it was like right before he passed. This shit seemed like a movie, bro. Yeah. Remind you, he didn't have the strength to say nothing, do nothing for whatever. But he he was kind of like trying to get up earlier to get some water. And that's the one part I forgot to say. So the nurse was saying like he can't have water. He just took something. I forgot what it was they give you to slow your heart rate. And I'm like, but why would y'all get him that then? If that's to slow your heart rate, is y'all, that means you're trying to kill him then, right?

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Well, usually they do it. It was it, did he have um higher blood pressure at the moment? Usually they do it with your heart beating.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

That's not what they told. Like, bro, when I tell you, they was really not saying nothing until I asked. Okay. Like it wasn't really reliant. So, bro, all of that too. It's you know, bro, I'm 23 in this moment. Yeah. So yeah, this stuff I feel like I should have knew, but it was nobody that taught me. So I don't I'm learning in the moment. Like, damn, hospice is where you go to die, basically.

SPEAKER_01 37:58

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Like, get you comfortable, yeah. Yeah, like when you say get you comfortable, I'm like, I'm thinking you're saying get them comfortable to go back home, not to transition on, you know what I'm saying? So it just it blew me, bro. That's everything like blows to the brain, bro. Every time. Because I'm like, damn, that's what this is, damn, that's what that is. All right, well, I mean, okay. So at the end of the night, it's bro, it hit 1.30, bro. Remind you, he couldn't lift up or nothing, bro. He used the his eyes wasn't, like he wasn't even really aware. You know what I'm saying? Like it was like he was just chilling the whole time.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

But he was, he could hear that I was there, but outside of that, it was just like he wasn't doing much. So then like 130 hit, then bro, he just raised my hand in the air, bro, and took his last breath and was out of there. When I tell you that fucked me up so bad, bro, because I'm like, for that shit to happen to me, and I'm like, bro, it's so much shit we ain't did. You know what I'm saying? Like, we ain't you told me we was supposed to been doing some whole other shit right now. We in here and you about to be out the door is crazy. Like this ain't I I damn sure didn't plan on this at 23. When I was a kid, kid, bro, I couldn't wait to be 23.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Not knowing that this is what I'm about to be faced with. Right, right. So I'm in this bitch crying like a baby, dog. Like, hot ass tears flying down my face, like rapidly. I'm like, bro, I don't even know. Like, I'm turning into somebody else in the moment. Like, I'm really not understanding life no more. Like, for real, bro, like for me, bro, I couldn't even look people in their eyes, in their face at all, for like three years, bro. Because all I could see is death at that point, bro. Wow. It was like I couldn't be happy around people, bro. Like, I would smile just because I know how to smile, but not because I wanted to. So it'd be like I gravitated towards old people a lot more in that moment. Like, damn, this is all I can really kind of get. You know what I'm saying? The closest feeling to my pops is chopping it up with an old person. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So it just kind of like randomly, I just be like breaking down, bro. Like I was working at uh this one retail spot at the time. And bro, I be good. When I tell you I be good, bro, like I be good. Like mentally, even if I'm going through stuff, I know how to leave that where it's at instead of bringing it to work with me. So one day in this moment, though, I'm thinking I'm good, bro. Out of nowhere, bro, I just started crying. I wasn't even sad or nothing. So I'm confused, bro. That shit scared the hell out of me, bro. Cause I'm like, why am I crying? I don't even know why I'm crying right now. One of my managers I was cool with, he like, bro, you good? I'm like, nah. I knew I wasn't good. Cause normally I'd be like, yeah, I'm straight, you know what I'm saying? But I couldn't even fake, like I couldn't fake it at that point. Yeah. So it was just like, bro, I don't know, dog. Like I had to do a hell of a lot of soul searching, figuring out what's next. My mindset just everywhere. I'm scrambled, bro. Like every day. It's like people don't even know what I'm doing to be here. Like, yeah, how much work I'm doing to stay sane, bro. Yeah. On top of the fact my sons was just born. They was just born the year before he passed. One of my sons is only a couple months old. The other one was one. So I'm like, damn, not even about me. You supposed to be here for them.

SPEAKER_03 42:20

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

You know what I'm saying? So he got to see them, but it's like, damn, you done did all this for everybody else, kids, and you can't even really experience life with mine, and they can't experience life with you.

unknown 42:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

And I'm just like, that's bogus as hell. Like, so I'm feeling conflicted in the moment. Like, I'm like, I'm pissed. Knowing, you know what I'm saying? You know how people get when you just you devastated. That devastation brings you delusion and anger and happiness and sorrow and every emotion you could think of. So I'm having, you know, resentment towards him in this moment. Cause I'm like, damn, how you die? Like, he had no choice, but I'm like, damn, how you die on me? Like, it was like we did everything, bro. Like, I was, I told you, the barber, the lottery dude. You know what I'm saying? I'm doing everything. I'm, hey, oh, you need to you need me to go put gas in the whip? Alright, bet let me use the whip too though. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just all these different emotions in my life is flashing, bro. It's like, you know how on movies it be a whole flick of the camera? Like it just go to a bunch of photos quick as hell. Yeah. That's how my mind was. Yeah. I kept seeing different like moments in life. Like, all type of, you know what I'm saying? Good, bad, and different, everything, bro. It's just flashing. And I'm just like, damn, this is crazy. So I don't want to keep spilling too much. Without asking you, how did you feel in that moment? Like leading up to him passing and like you know afterwards.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Shock, disbelief. Like still hoping like he pulled through and everything. And like when it happened, to be honest, I like kind of like beat myself up. Just like I said, like um, he's come through. I see him a couple times a year. He hang out and all that stuff. I think it back up too, like why I became an adult, why I didn't go on it on it myself and make the um relationship and go find him, you know, and um do things with him. Like I still still stay stay still stayed that same way. I mean, I still seen him, like we still chop it up, he'll come through over the house, we chop it up. Um get something to eat or something, or he might he might stay over the crib for um a couple hours, you know. You know he got the stories, you know, he got the story, he got the stories for days, so he out there laugh, had you outside laughing and everything. So and then I kind of was beating myself up, I was like, man, like, you know, because he was one that was pouring out into everybody else. And like you said, people were pouring out back into him. But one what one good memory I have, I mean it still affects me too, but one good memory I have is um, but yeah, we still like Christmas, we started working on Christmas thing, um came back around. He got himself came back around. Like we was doing the Christmas thing, hanging out and all that stuff, but then we took him out for his birthday. Um he was one about to put something on the tab on his birthday. I'm like, no, man, it's your birthday, man. Um we got you. Like, we we we didn't um take you off for your birthday, get in your money, no, we uh we gonna take we taking your it's on us. We're taking your birthday for chaser for you. And uh we went, you know, he got to talk stuff. He ain't really eating like that. He ate a little bit, he got him a little drink. And you know, we know him. He's like the people who don't know, like our old dude thought he was full Jamaican. Like he thought he was full Jamaican. He was in there, oh rude boy, rude boy, and then he got like uh some some like four people was across the table from us. So they walk up, they keep looking, they keep looking. So I say nothing out of pocket, you know what I'm saying? But they actually was like, admiring them. They actually walked over to us and they was like, Yeah, excuse me, uh, we thought, are you Jamaican? He's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Papa Swally, they brought me out in um my first bond, my first bond brought me out. We uh we celebrating the birthday cut my granddaughter, you know. So he was in a full-fledged Jamaican. So they like, oh, I thought you were Jamaican. So you like, yeah. So he kept going, eat it. And then that wasn't song came on that uh shine song that, oh they was like, oh yeah, you bothered the lake. You know, he's all like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, rude boy, you know, swinging there cracking up. Yeah. So then he was, but he made a statement, man. We hanging. He's like, Yeah. Nobody really didn't this from you for a while. He was like, it feels good. I mean, we ain't gonna charge you. Um, you ain't gonna put nothing on your birthday, you don't say we ain't gonna put no bugs on your birthday, we gonna hang you out, you're gonna take you out. He said something, and then he was like, Yeah. Rule boy um can uh die happy man now. And I was like, we know we like this. Yeah, I'm gonna say that. You're gonna be alright. It sounded different, it hit different, you know, and I'm like, Yeah, kinda looking at him, but I'm trying to like, you're gonna be alright, you're gonna be alright. And he was like, Yeah, yeah, but he just had to look on the face. Man, telling Nicole, I was hear what he said, she's like, Yeah. I know he I don't think he's giving up or nothing, but like that, that called our attention. You know what I'm saying? We man, we hope he be alright. No, he's gonna be alright, he don't be alright. He just just happy he went out and all that stuff. It was a little emotional and happy he got to go out, don't yeah, and the decline after that, man. I don't think he made it. I don't think he made it, did he make it to May? He might have just made it to May. Nah. It was April? Mm-hmm. Yeah, and his birthday, you know, May 1st. I mean March 1st. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he made it like April right after April 8th. Yep, he had passed on April 8th. Yeah, so it was crazy. Like, to be honest, like, I still like was beat myself up every now and then, like just like I think I had like a little moment uh on his birthday this year, but we I I ain't put too much together. We had was gonna do the pie out on his birthday. Yeah. I didn't I just I could have put I mean it was a love when we hung out, but we could have hung out more. You know what I'm saying? I had them moments, and we ain't had a moment like that. We had moments, but not enough.

SPEAKER_00 49:10

Yeah, yeah. No, I I definitely feel you.

SPEAKER_01 49:14

I was beating myself up about that. So I came around, but every now and then I still like kind of think about it. Man, so it it was it was it was definitely devastating. It was definitely devastating.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

Yeah, and to think this going on 11 years is insane. Like it's been here in 11 years, right? Right. Like that's crazy as hell to me. Yeah, but it's life, I guess. Um so question, how did you feel as as far as like your support went? Do you feel like you had a lot of support after he passed? I mean enough, I was I should say.

SPEAKER_01 49:58

I would say yeah. I mean, cause like my wife also my wife, she had me. Front, back, side to side. I did pretty good. Um my wife and mom, um, she had my back, so I would say I had enough. I mean, you gotta go through it, you gotta go through the emotions and all that stuff. And but ask me, you need to talk to somebody. You uh how you feeling there? Some days I didn't want to talk. You know what I'm saying? I came home. Like, some days come home, you wanna talk? I wanna talk. Like, I wanna talk.

unknown 50:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 50:33

You wanna talk about it? Come on, let me know. We can talk about it whenever you want, whenever you're ready. Today's yes, you wanna talk about it? Yeah, I do feel like they were awesome, so I had a pretty cuz poor um group. I can't complain. I mean, it was that was enough for me, you know what I'm saying? It would just somebody hear me out and care. I did I feel that they care what I'm about to say instead of just asking me just to go to the motion, you know what I'm saying? Just to ask me, just to ask me, just to be asking me. Instead of truly caring what I'm about to say, you know what I'm saying? So um I was pretty good with that. Um I would say I had a pretty good support. That's what's up.

SPEAKER_00 51:16

Um, for me, I cut a lot of people off due to the lack of support during that moment.

unknown 51:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

When I looked around and I'm like, damn, ain't nobody checking on me. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody asked, you got some clean clothes? Is you mentally right? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. When when the memorial service is coming up, like, we don't even know if you got your suit, tie, nothing. Yeah. Um, shout out to uh Hollis. He did tap in with me though. And him and our pops was close, but it ain't like me and him chopped it up every day.

SPEAKER_03 52:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 52:01

So for him to reach out to me and do what he did, bro, got me what? Uh I can't remember how many pieces it was. I just know it was a Steve Hervey classic.

SPEAKER_01 52:13

Yeah, oh yeah, he got you together now. He got you together. Yeah, he definitely got you together.

SPEAKER_00 52:17

It was a it was a it was a nice suit for sure. Shoes, everything. And then I just wore one of our pop's hats with it. Yeah, yeah, I remember. Yeah. So I definitely appreciated that. Yes. And I'm not saying he didn't reach out, but I'm saying for the most part, that's not even 1% of the family.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

So I'm like, especially when it comes to your sisters, brother, cousins, you know what I'm saying? People you grew up with, at least. Yeah. I ain't even talking about everybody else, but at least the people that you didn't grew up around. Yeah. I'm just people coming at me sideways. I got a call from somebody like, you trying to keep my baby money that your pops owe him, and I'm like, what? Yeah, because he had somebody cleaning up, you know, the crib and all of that, and he would pay him and this and that. So and I was just like, in this moment, you really gonna come at me left as crazy. Yeah. I'm I ain't even right right now. So you you treading thin ice for real, playing with me like that right now. Right. But I was just in a different mindset where it's like, I don't even want to go off on you or none of that, but you you got me messed up for real, though, because I'm trying to figure out life right now in this moment, and you thinking it's about money. Yeah. Like, I'm talking about people that ran through his, as soon as they left him, like put his stuff on the curb, ran through his pockets and everything, bro. Really? Yeah, so I'm on some. Look, I could really take it there if you want me to take it there. Don't, don't come at me left when I ain't even that one. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm always the peace guy. I'm always the let's be cool, let's go hoop, let's go enjoy time together, let's be fam. Let's, you know what I'm saying? Bring it together.

SPEAKER_03 54:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:18

So for me to not get the support, but for me to not get the amount of support that I should have had, I went sour on everybody because people not trying to help me or even understand me mentally. I don't need your dollar.

SPEAKER_03 54:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 54:41

You could keep your pockets clenched tight. I don't need not one penny from you. But you can't hit my number though. You can't, I don't know what at least hit me with this. I don't know what to say, bro, but I just pray you good. Yeah. Even that would have gone a long way with me, but it was nothing. My phone never rang, bro. That's why, bro, I I changed my number, bro, and nobody got it because why do you need my number? When I needed y'all most, y'all vacated the premises, bro. Y'all left me in an abandoned building mentally, but think I'm supposed to make myself accessible to you every day. I don't care if you're family or not. Family is a label.

SPEAKER_03 55:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 55:30

But my real family is the people that do right by me. You feel me? Right. The ones that I handpick. I didn't choose the family that I was born into. Right, bro. Like, that's some default shit, bro. Like, people would do you so wrong and throw the family label up there. It's like, bro, I don't give a damn about no family, bro, unless you're doing right by me, bro. Like, just cause we got the same maybe last name or same blood don't matter to me, bro. Right. What matters to me is that you do right not only by me, but do right by you. Do right by your kids. Do right if you ain't doing right by you, I really can't expect you to do right for me. I'll be a damn fool.

SPEAKER_03 56:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 56:11

So it just made me see clearly, bro. I'm like, damn, bro, having hella thoughts, bro.

unknown 56:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:21

You don't know, bro. That shit could make you suicidal, my. Right, exactly. Like, I ain't gonna lie to you, bro. Them thoughts did come in my mind, bro. But I'm tougher than that shit. I know that it was just a thought. I know I wasn't about to do it, so I'm like, Right. Sometimes I gotta talk to myself crazy, like, bro, you being a bitch, stop thinking like that. You know what I'm saying? Like, for real, because if I I can't be soft on myself and no, you got a reason. No, hell no, you being a bitch. Stop acting like that. I know you going through it right now. I really be having to have them combo sometimes. I know you going through it right now. Stick your chest out, be tough. You ain't no, you ain't no kid. You know what I'm saying? Like you can't sit here and cause something happen, it could be traumatic, you know what I'm saying? But that don't mean go off on the deep end.

SPEAKER_03 57:14

Right.

SPEAKER_00 57:15

So for me, bro, I I have to, you know, give myself a pat on the back for sure, just because I'm like, this is a hell of a lot of work that I've put in. Yeah. Due to the fact that I feel the way that I feel and felt in the past. And I'm just like, people really be thinking like I think I'm better than them. And that's why I don't talk to them. It's that, bro, that's completely the opposite of what I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_03 57:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 57:45

Why would I think I'm better than you when we can all go on the same spiritual journey in life? Yeah. How how would I, like, bro, that don't even make sense.

SPEAKER_01 57:54

Yeah, that's insecurities they got in their own self.

SPEAKER_00 57:56

Yeah, like for me, bro, we all can just do better by ourselves. I'm doing better for myself because I know I deserve it, bro. Yeah. I know I deserve it. I ain't gonna wait on you to tell me how great I am when I know I'm really that one. You know what I'm saying? Never been that too. Right. That's all I'm saying. So at the end of the day, bro, you can't sit here and be mad that you didn't show up for me and think I'm supposed to show up when you have a party or something.

SPEAKER_01 58:26

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 58:27

I I'm healing, bro. I'm still healing to this day, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Life ain't just easy because you got you still got your day-to-day.

SPEAKER_03 58:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 58:37

I still had bills. I still had kids, bro. Emotional wrecking all, bro. I still had kids. Right. I still didn't know, bro. I didn't even feel like a father, bro. When I when my sons were born, bro, I wasn't equipped mentally feeling like I was a father, bro. I I knew I had kids. I was there with them every day, but I just didn't have the attachment that I knew I needed to have with them. I worked on that though. Okay. I worked on it because I'm like, ain't no way I feel like I'm their big brother for real. You know what I'm saying? Like, ain't no way that I don't feel like a father in this moment. But that goes along with maturity though, too.

SPEAKER_03 59:21

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 59:22

So I had to mature in a lot of ways, and now you can't tell me nothing. You you can't tell me nothing. Like, so at the end of the day, at the end of the day, um tell me a little bit, like, because I don't want to, I'll keep going. So just what's what what is your view on that? Like you just life afterwards and how it might have impacted you after like the dust settled, after, you know what I'm saying? He passed and whatnot.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:06

I feel like I gotta pick up the baton, you know. Now I gotta start the race. You know, I gotta take over. Um I gotta be um saying I gotta be like the best father I can be. Like nobody off the beginning is gonna feel like um be a great father. I mean, it's it's learning on the job. It's you always learning how to be a better father and better father. Like day after day, year after year, month after month. Like, you always gonna be on you always gonna be learning on the job.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:43

So, question. How important do you believe fathers are when they come to raising children?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:50

Very, very, very important. That's the head of the household. That's they're very important. Teaching a man, a boy, how to be a man, and they're teaching their daughter what type of man they need to be dealing with when they get older.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:07

So, when do you feel as if you understood that?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:13

Can I say I'm still learning it right now? No, I feel you. I feel you. Um learning on the job process. Like you never go know everything. You only gonna learn something the rest of your life. You know what I'm saying? But I've I've been figuring it out as I've been going and learning and maturing, you know. That's how I um figured that out. Like it took, it takes time, patience, and work put in. You put the work in, and you gotta just go a little bit. Like I say, like little bit by little bit, and go through the different things. Like, don't get down on yourself if you do make a mistake. You know what I'm saying? We um can make mistakes, you know. We humans, so we're gonna make mistakes. As long as you get up, get back on the horse and keep going. Yeah, no. I feel you. I feel you. Keep the uh keep it going and be the best. Like, if your intention is well, if your intention is good, you'll be a great dad. If your intention to be a great dad, you'll be a great dad. You know, it's just your intention, and you got the right heart, right mind, right heart. You'll be you your diversion of your kids, you'd be the best version for them. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:27

Oh yeah, facts. It it for sure been a journey for me. Doing stuff wrong, then figuring out the right way to do it. You know what I'm saying? Learning how to not come off as they friend, even though, you know what I'm saying, you play so much, especially me, you know what I'm saying? We got the same interests. We laughing, we joking, we hooping, we listening to music, some of the artists assembling, you know what I'm saying? So it's like learning how to differentiate your parenting as opposed to the friend side of, you know what I'm saying? And it's so crazy, bro, because I was just asking somebody, well, somebody told me they like how I parent, right? And I'm like, uh, so what is it that you like what sticks out to you? And she was like, well, the way that you stern, but you have a good relationship with your kids where y'all can be playful but not too playful. You know what I'm saying? Like they still know the line. You can't cross, you know what I'm saying? So I'm like, yeah, that's what's up. Like, I I appreciate when other people can peep that.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:42

Because I'm I don't care what it is in life that I can't do that well, parenting is one thing that I'm just headstrong about. Nobody is perfect, but I feel as if I'm the perfect parent for my kids. I don't talk at my kids. I just had a conversation with my older son uh yesterday, and I was just telling him, like, you can't sit here. Well, I I tell him this. I ain't even gonna say you can't do it. You can do whatever you want to do, just know it's consequences to everything you do. So if you go around being disrespectful to people, not saying he be disrespectful to me or nothing like that, but it's other people that just didn't like something that he did. Well, his grandma said he was just not listening to her. I mean, yeah, not listening to her. And I told him, like, bro, your grandma not gonna be here all the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:44

You gotta understand, y'all be looking up to people that ain't got nothing, bro, or they just shiny. So y'all appeal to that. Like, so you want to listen to everything somebody with an icy chain is talking about, but little do you know they are not always the happiest people on this planet.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:04

Yeah, it looks like they super happy because they got some shiny ass diamonds in their mouth. But at the same time, bro, a lot of people going through stuff that they can't talk about with people. A lot of people are going through stuff that once the lights go off, they can't look themselves in the mirror. They they sad. You know what I'm saying? So I tell them, like, look, y'all don't have that much longer to be kids. Right. Some people already looking at y'all as if y'all not kids right now. 12 and 11. Y'all do something in the wrong area, or you could be in the right area, just the wrong person. You know what I'm saying? Profile you. Right. Just anything. The police already be playing games like stopping them on a minibike and this and that. You know what I'm saying? So it's just you gotta know the way that you even. And look to them. Right. You fit the description, bro. Right. Because everybody damn near that's 18 and under, almost dressed exactly alike.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:12

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:13

Had the same mannerisms. So I tell them, like, look, I'm telling you this because I don't want to put my hands on you. Y'all at an age where, and and I never been the type to just beat on them anyway. For me to whoop my kids, you gotta do some super crazy shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you just outright disrespecting your grandma, your mama, I ain't going for that at all. My kids know y'all can't disrespect your mama or grandma or nobody. But don't let nobody that's an adult tell y'all nothing wrong either, though. I tell them that. Identify when somebody telling y'all some bullshit. Cause I ain't going for that. Y'all ain't gotta listen to everybody just because they grown. Some people, it's bad people out here.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:55

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:56

But yeah, bro, I just I do my job to make sure that they understand, bro, that it's a lot of crazy stuff going on in this world, and what you think you see ain't even what you're seeing for real. Right. Like, that's the craziest part. Me as an adult, bro, I damn near don't believe nothing no more. Everything I done seen and saw, and even if they used to say, if it's I don't believe it unless it's in black and white. Bro, I done seen a lot of stuff in black and white that wasn't real. Or it was real, but they switched the law out because they didn't want it to fit for you. So, yeah, bro, I just be doing my due diligence to make sure they understand that and they get a grasp on life and understand where we're coming from and what we need to be equipped with. And I'm letting them know I'm gonna be real with y'all. I'm not gonna just tell y'all anything. I'm gonna be real with y'all. So y'all just gotta have, you know, emotional intelligence and know how to control your emotions. So if I tell you something you don't like, you're not getting bent out of shape because I'm telling you, it's gonna be a lot in life that you don't like to hear. Right. Whether it's about you or somebody else. So that's just where I'm at with that one. Um next question I have for you. Um why do you believe relationships go sour? Sometimes and I want to say after the baby is born, but sometimes this even before the baby gets here. It's like you was just cool, but now we so beefed out, like we enemies. Why do you think that it gets to that point?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:45

Well, I don't have that situation myself, but I believe like a lot of time, like my my situation, you know, I'm married, I got a wife, and we um became friends, and became friends before we even ever, you know, did anything. You know, we hung out, talked on the phone, caked whatever, you know, night time. Uh went on a couple dates, talked on the regular on the daytime, but we became friends before we did anything physical or anything of that nature. We became friends, and and I believe a lot of people don't become friends first, they just go do the physical thing and try to become friends, it don't work like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:29

Right, that's that's crazy, bro. Because a lot of people act like they don't know that when y'all beefed out, this is affecting the kid in the worst way. Yeah. Because just just like you don't want to hear nobody say nothing bad about nobody you love, right? Right. Right. So if the kid loves both of their parents, why is you bashing, even if you're not talking to the kid, but some people that bold, they gonna tell the kid, yo, Pops ain't shit. Yo, mama ain't shit. I never disrespect my uh kids' mamas. Even if I disagree with how they is, and it's been uh work. So I ain't gonna act like we never been disrespectful. I ain't gonna, but I'm proud to say that we ain't at that point now though. Yeah. I love both of my baby mamas, but you know, we just ain't, it ain't work. That's all. So at that point, it's like, look, I'm still here though. Even for y'all kids that ain't mine. It ain't like I'm gonna say, y'all, I'm done, I'm done with all y'all. No. I'm right. I'm still, if you need me too. I'm you know what I'm saying? I got you too. So it's just, I don't feel like people understand. That's how it should be. That's a part of building that village that your children need. Right, right. Where even if I ain't the pops, you can still come to me as if I am. Say, if they need something, what what is gonna be? Right. Uh prom, if you ain't got it, he just can't get something. Nah. If you ain't got it, check and see if I got it. You know what I'm saying? Right. If I got it, y'all got it.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:06

So I don't know, but I just feel people need to do more work with having that togetherness. Even if y'all don't like each other, y'all don't gotta be that disrespectful. It's like getting too hectic out here, bro.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:21

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:21

Too hectic out here. Um, why do you feel that people don't take life as serious as they should? Like, as if we gonna keep getting infinite restarts. I was like, I pick your back off that other one real quick. Oh, my bad. Go ahead. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:36

And like say when you when you were saying um dogging uh each other out, right? Yeah. And you say, oh, and then you exaggerate and you say all these bad things about her or him, right? Say all these bad things about them, and how they nothing, they can't do that, ain't got no money, they ain't this, they you know, and then what does that say about you if you was well? Man, that's facts, bro. You know, you ain't just awesome and great over here, and they just the worst person in the world. If something attracted that you attracted to horrible people or something.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:12

Fact. And that's what it be, bro. They be attracted, and and they be having a point, but the point is you still can't do that in front of the kids, though.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:23

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:24

Like it they be have that it be valid, but what's not valid is the disrespect. Yeah, because the dad be they too, be they decided superhero.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:32

You know what I'm saying? That's it, too. That's the first, that's the first man he watches. That's the first man he watches, and that's the first uh man the daughter watches. That's a superhero, and you gonna knock him off the cliff like knock the superhero off the cliff, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:48

Right. You you knew uh has you knew your kids' mama didn't know how to wipe good, and you still next to them crunchy panties, you still stayed. Right, right. You you you still uh had to make that happen. You was like, you was willing to try it this time. You you knew you told her nah baby, it's like I mean it ain't it ain't real it ain't real crunchy, you know. You knew you had to tell her from wipe front to back, bro. So you should have knew from that. But no, bro. It's it's just crazy, y'all. You know, it's crazy. So back to the next question, though. Why do you feel that a lot of people don't take life as serious as they should? Like, we just gonna keep getting infinite restarts, though.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:41

Because they think they got forever. I get right, I get right when I get right. Because in their mind, the nonsense they doing, that's um giving them a bit of vouch for that nonsense they're doing. Like, what? I can get it together down the line, I can get it down together down the line, and then people think they can't forever. And they actually don't. You see, day after day, you don't have forever.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:06

Right. Um one thing, why do you think that people run to the internet to hash out their problems or like spill out whatever is going on in their life? Whether it's drama, everything, it's like they speed race to the internet to get it off, exposing people or whatever. What do you think they think they're gonna get out of this? No, I just want to know. I because we we trying to heal the world, bro. Yeah. I mean, we're doing the work to heal the world.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:39

I mean, one thing they see some other people do it, so you want to do it also, but I feel people like a lot of people, I'm not saying everybody, but some people want attention. They want somebody to vouch for how they feel and they want attention and they want somebody like, oh, um, don't do that. You you you can do better, everything, everything gonna work out. They want uh somebody to um take up for them, you know what I'm saying? And they want somebody to cry for them, you know. We want somebody to just they really want attention. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:11

Yeah. I I really can't call it. It's just crazy that people do that. Because I don't ever want nobody in my business to begin with. So you would never know if I really had issues with people because I don't speak on it with everybody. I just can't do that. I don't know if it's just the attention you're looking for or you think you're gonna get people to come and be on your side. But I can't do it, bro.

unknown 1:15:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:41

If something upset me, some upset me. This is me personally. Some upset me. I'm not gonna, oh let me go grab my phone or forget this. No, let me go, I gotta go, and you gotta go type how you feeling. You know, just um get it out, talk to whoever you need to talk to, but why you gotta go on and post it?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:59

You know what I'm saying? So, and it's crazy. We we have similar ways of thinking on a lot of this, a lot of these topics and stuff. What makes you, or why do you feel that well, I know you can't really speak for me, but why do you think you are different when it comes to how people respond and act to stuff around you? Whether you grew up with them or just been in the same city, because you know, you ain't necessarily have to grow up with somebody to have the same type of mannerisms. But why do you think you don't just pop off or be with the rah-rah instead of, you know, or instead, you know, being like hot everybody else is, why you think you more so on the mellow side?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:45

That's just how I that's how I came out. That's how I came out the wound mellow. No, I feel you. And it's a mellow cat, like I'm not all rah-rah, nah. I mean, I got that little fire in here, don't get me wrong, like, you know, I could get like that too, but for the most part, I've always been mellow, always been like mild matter, and always been mellow. It's just like moving the other side of the fan, I guess. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:08

Okay. So, um, is that well, no, I'm gonna say it this way. Um, what made you feel like he was ready for marriage? Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:22

Okay. To be honest, I mean, how did I know I was ready for marriage? Like, because I mean, I was like, Derry, I know I just banned a couple uh ladies, uh, friends I done had and everything, girlfriends and whatnot. And when I met my uh when I met my wife, we had like a lot of similarities and like we had uh movies and all that stuff. Like she like when I first really first met her, like I um working, we were working together. And uh, you know, I worked like the Frogs and Department, but she was a um cashier. And I had it was busy, I came to help um back and pack the stuff up because it was real busy. And before I walked away, she hit me with a line and like um like oh so you gonna leave me in like some other motherfuckers anime? Yeah, um, what's Log got to do was my movie, like, and I just had all the um sayings from that. Like, oh, she don't know who she's dealing with. You said from what? What's Log got to do with? Oh, man, man, yeah. I was like, oh, she don't know who she's dealing with. I said, nah, nah, nah. Say you dess up a perfect good automobile. That's like our first, you know, that's like our first um interaction. Yeah. Nah, that's funny. That's funny. Like, you know, she knows sports, she can follow it, she knows what she's talking about. You know what I'm saying? I was like, oh, this shit, all right.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:53

You know what I'm saying? Nah, that's what's up. And you answer, it's crazy because you answered the next question. I was gonna ask you basically, how did you know that she was the one? Oh, I got some more too. Like, okay, go ahead then.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:05

Plus, with that, like I was saying, like, she ain't gonna drink a beer, she ain't gonna drink no brew back then, but like, she's making a little wine. But she'll watch the football, she know, she ain't out there just like, who the who the blue team, who the orange team, who we rooting for? Oh, she knows Brady, she know, like plays, you know, like touchdown, running back, she knows all the different um the game. And she knows basketball too, she knows basketball, she knows players. Like, she hooped a little bit. But what how I really knew, okay, we had a son. He had a son like oh nine, he was a premium. He didn't make it, he made it like 20, 20 days or so, 21, 20 days. And no, lose a child and have something that devastating happen and realize somebody got your somebody had something that devastating happened. You know, somebody got your front back side to side. That's all I needed to see.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:03

Yeah. No, I feel you, I feel you on that, bro. It's the rest is history. No, I feel you. Shout out to Wifey. Shout out, huh?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:15

Let me, I'm sorry, hand.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:17

Okay then.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:18

She know what that is.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:22

So, uh We at the end of the game, bro. Five seconds left. How you feeling? Awesome. Bad, bad. The ball in your hands, bro. Um, we gonna end it with this. I wanna know when was the last time that you were proud of yourself and why? Proud of myself? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:51

It's like um my daughter, man, like like she an awesome kid. And she just daughter, man, like that's that's that's my girlfriend. And like, did you see how she just can like eloquently talk, like handle herself? Like, she'd go help people, she'll go walk up to somebody, talk to them, and bad days. She got cold and hugs, cold and hugs. Like somebody they be feeling bad, hugs, feeling better, doofers, handle money and all that, do different things, like that's what made me proud. My um, the way my daughter moved.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:45

That's what's up. That's what's up. Um I might have. I got one more question. So, how has the world of being a deacon been for you so far?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:06

I mean, whirlwind. I mean, it's been good, man. You know, I told you anxiety, like I I still struggle too. Like, I went to church today today. I still have anxiety, but like I'm getting better. No. Face, like I told you I gotta face the people, talk to um different people in the congregation, different ministers, trade team, musicians, singers, and all that stuff. I gotta like, you know, direct some of the people coming in the church. So it helped me a lot with my anxiety, and I got a lot better in my anxiety because I'm talking to people and I gotta be um the authoritative figure, like if somebody like getting out of hand, and we gotta go over there and quietly, you know, fix it. So talking to different people and handling um different disputes and all that stuff. That helped me with uh my anxiety and all that. So it's it's been it's been real good. It's been real good.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:06

That's what's up, that's what's up. Um, do you have any stories from uh church since you've been a deacon? Like something that might have stood out that somebody may have needed, you know, you to listen to them about something or you know what I'm saying, just anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:25

I mean, awesome. I can't even I can't even count on, I can't even count how many people like. Um I told you, like if I sit down, somebody gonna come tell me they whole run their whole story. Um but I had like a couple like teenage guys, so he was like, I think he was gonna like try to end it. But he got to church some way, form, or fashion. And he just said, Oh, probably talk to I'll be talking to him. Talking to him, but I ain't think nothing. I just talked to the regular cat. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And then I got him first first. Head down, not really looking up at me. He just like he was mad, angry. Like, I'll just talk to him, messing with him. I got him to laugh a few times. Then, like, I ain't think nothing of it. Then he went up and got prayed for. And when the person prayed for, I don't know if it was pastor, if it was somebody else, but they was like, he was contemplating suicide. As I talked, I don't know if he came up there to get prayed over, or he just something I said had him go up there to get prayed over, he went up there and get prayed over, gave them that information.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:40

Yeah. Nah, that's that's so how did that make you feel, or how do that make you feel in those moments?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:48

Man, it's like unreal. Like, I don't like take myself too serious. Like, I don't, I'm like, wow, I touched somebody like that, me, I I actually touched somebody, and that impacted me. Like, it still strikes me to today. Wow, like they actually really listened to me and took what I said. I just being oh, I just being shocked. And it's it's a good thing. Shocked. Wow, I ain't thinking nobody really listened to me like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:22

Nah, that's what's up, bro. Hey, I can say, bro, I'm proud of you and your uh transition through life, and you know, appreciate that. Just no problem. Just keep adding on to being better and better. Oh, yeah, we can't. That's all we can do for real. But, you know, I like the fact that you're not just stagnant and just felt like everything had to stop at hooping. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like to go out and realize, like, it takes maturity for all of those steps. You know what I'm saying? Different levels of maturity at that.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:00

To be a husband, to be a deacon, to be a father. That's different levels of maturity because it's different stuff you gotta bring to the table for that. And then it's like the deacon, it's a whole congregation, you know what I'm saying? It's not like you're dealing with one or three or even ten people. Right. You know what I'm saying? It's however many members you got. Yeah, how many people there that day. Yeah, so I get that. So I definitely salute you on that end. Um, and I really wish we could drop one of Clue's bombs right now, because we really did mess them up with this. You feel me? Okay then. You know what I'm saying? And I appreciate you for running it back because it was a lot that we needed to, you know, touch basically.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:47

All day long, huh? Like we had to. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you I'm um proud of you too. Like, you can get a um podcast off the floor, man. Like, wow. You had to go and go out here and do it. That means a small token. That's not a small thing to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:00

Appreciate it. Hey, hey, bro, everything is it's like a marathon, bro. Right. Life is a marathon. So as long as you don't stop, as long as you don't backpedal, like, even if you do stop, I'll say this. As long as you don't backpedal, bro, yeah, you good. Just just at least try to give your best. Try to put motion forward. All gas, no breaks. You know what I'm saying? We can't keep making excuses for each other. We can't keep making excuses for our homeboys, homegirls, or family members. Right. Everybody gotta be accountable.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:36

Yeah. And it started with somebody.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:38

Yeah, I didn't, I ain't gonna lie, bro. I didn't have my moments of stagnation. You know what I'm saying? Like, if that's even a word, I like it though. But it's gonna work, it's gonna work today. Stagnation. Let me go ahead and write that joint. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 1:27:54

But that boy put in the dictionary.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:56

Man, so that's just the thing, man. Bro, I I know I've had my moments where I haven't been given my 100%.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:07

And I thought, like, was 70 good enough? No, I keep still doing 100. You know what I'm saying? Unless you, unless all you got is 70. But I know I always had more than 70 in the tank for the most part.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:19

So it's I appreciate your acknowledgement though. And yeah, bro, it's it's on to bigger and better endeavors. We just keep, you know what I'm saying, proving all the doubters wrong. You know what I'm saying? We can keep on, you know what I'm saying? All gas, no breaks. Keep keep going, bro. Until next time. This been in Therapy with Motion with your host, King OJ, my special guest for tonight, my big bro Rob. And we out.