THERAPY IN MOTION | WITH SPECIAL GUEST B | PART TWO

KING OJ SIT WITH SPECIAL GUEST AND CLOSE FRIEND B. THIS IS BY FAR THE MOST INTELLECTUAL, EMOTIONAL, AND DEEP CONVERSATION TO DATE. YOU CANT MISS THIS POWERFUL EPISODE TO DATE TO WITNESS TWO MEN HAVE A HEALTHLY SAFE SPACE CONVERSATION ABOUT LOSS, PAIN, GIREF, RELATIONSHIPS, BETRAYAL, FAMILY AND SO MUCH MORE. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

What's that deal? We back with another one. Therapy in Motion, and today we got a special guest, my brother B. Even though we might not have as many great examples, we gotta, because we got the tools now. We gotta seek out how to be those great examples. Part of it was seeing the people that wasn't who we wanted to become. So we just, you know, learned that way. And then other ways is just okay, let me find out how to really be a real man. Not due to what the masses believe a real man. Oh, pay for everything your woman says, pay for. No. The mental side of being a real man, not just the financial side of it. How to be, how to not overthink, how to hold yourself accountable. Because that's one thing, not only do they gotta hold themselves accountable when it comes to us and everybody else, we have to hold ourselves accountable too because it's a lot of bullshit we might have done along the way. Hell yeah. So with that, it's like for me, I done fucked up time and time again. The worst thing as a man is when you fuck the bag up too many times. It's like nigga, I was just up. I was just up.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

That should be an eye-opener, man. You can humble you real quick. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

And then when you up, motherfuckers like me and you, we like, okay, let's spread the wealth. Soon as the bag gone, they gone too.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Yeah, that shit, it's not reciprocated. That's another thing. At all.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

People make you feel less than for needing help. And it's like, shit, I'm the first to be like, shit, I need help.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

I'm sometimes I'm too transparent. You gotta say that one again, bro. That people make you feel less than.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yeah, people make us as men feel less than for needing help. They're gonna praise the single mom for going through her struggles and getting through. But the single dad, nigga, that's all you do is construction, nigga. Like, you don't do nothing else. Like, you don't. It's like, but you don't even know where my mental at. You don't even know what I'm battling on this road to mental recovery.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

But what I learned is they don't care. They don't. Most people don't even know that we got a mental health awareness much. Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Hey. And it's so crazy because people will be quick as hell to troll you. And it's so wild because I'm like, damn, why do so many people jump out to say some bullshit? It makes you think they always think about you. Little do you know they're not even thinking about us as much as we think they is. They're gonna say they bullshit and go off because they're going through shit too. Soon as they say some bullshit about you, they are already stressing about their own life. A lot of people will project whatever they feeling onto you. There's people I done seen on social media where it's a motherfucker recording another motherfucker in the soup kitchen line and talking crazy. How are you talking about them and y'all in the same line? Make it make sense. I don't get it. I don't get it. And it's it's so crazy because nobody wants to take accountability. And like you said, it's it's so many people, bro, that just they'll overlook you in the time of need. They'll over they don't think accountability is needed in the time where you see your brother down. You should take accountability to be that one to go over there and lift them up. But instead, they'll be like, that ain't my problem. That's him. He's going through that. I got my own shit I'm going through. You might do be going through your own shit, but you could still holler at your man and be like, you good, bro? Yeah, bro. Don't nobody really care until it happened to them. Facts. And motherfuckers be quick. Hey, you wanna smoke? Bro, I realized that when we used to smoke all the time, and it was so many people. When I would say, hey, y'all want to work out, and nobody will want to work out, but everybody wanna get bloat. I'm like, I don't want to get bloated no more. I want to work out. I'm like, and it's so crazy because it's like I didn't heard people say, well, after you do that, then just pull up on me afterwards. It's like, damn, but y'all don't want to work out too.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Like, yeah, yeah, that's so they wanna be stagnant, man. Facts. They don't want to elevate, they want to be in the same place all their life, bro.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Facts. But we just that's why the village be on fire for it's been on fire for so long. Because not only that, like you said, everybody wanna be a victim. How you a victim in your own movie? You the director, the narrator, you everything. You just you the stunt doubles, you the extras, everything. You gonna be the victim? Why? Why do you gotta get killed in every movie and it's your movie? You gotta live. You don't never want to live. Man, you gotta live. You never wanna live. You gotta live, bro. You feel, ah, a mosquito bit me. It's a virus, now I'm dead. Like, my nigga, you gotta die off of everything. Like, come on now. People make any excuse to die. Why? Make an excuse to live, man. Hey, come on, man. Make an excuse to live. Make a reason, give reasons to live. It's too many people that they just sit back and they never grow. They never grow. These people just sit back and oh, my car down. I can't make no more money for the rest of the year. What? Oh, the babysitter canceled on me. I don't know what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. Like, come on, man, like, live, go take a trip, go do something. I'm doing what I gotta do to be able to take a trip at least every three months for at least a week, bro. Because you need time for your mind to reset. If we always going through turmoil, how do we ever really heal? If you still going through the same shit with the same people, it's just a recycled effect of negativity. That's just like, come on, man, if you throw some dye and bleach in your clothes and keep that shit spinning, what's gonna happen? You think at some point it's gonna just get clean? No, you bleaching all your shit, it's gonna start with one pair, maybe a shirt, maybe some pants. Next thing you know, all of your shit is affected by it. That's the same with your mental. If you got negative shit on this side that you haven't healed through, then the next uh level of your life, you got more. The next day of your life, you got more. So you dealing with losses of people that maybe died, you dealing with people that turned on you, you dealing with just the childhood trauma breakups or breakups you've seen. You dealing with nobody has not been there for you. You looked at the fact that it don't even look like a motherfucker wanna come save you. So that's your whole brain being affected, bro. Infected, actually. So you being infected with all this trauma and then shut up because you a man, act like it. What the fuck do that mean? So we just gotta come through, pay all the bill. After we done been through all this trauma throughout life, now we adults, and they telling us now, pay all the bills for this ungrateful witch. What? I still ain't even healed through none of my shit, and you don't even wanna help me heal. Not saying you gotta heal me through everything, but your people gotta stop acting like your partner is not supposed to help heal you. People gotta stop acting like your family is not supposed to help heal you. People gotta stop acting like your job and whatever you do in life is supposed to have healing elements for your life. Why the fuck would I want to stay in toxicity? People get mad when I say, Well, I'm not going back and forth with you, I'm cutting you off. And I'm not even giving you a reason on why, because you know why. And if you don't, either you don't want to know why, or you can't, you don't understand, you're not gonna understand why. And then just because people might have dealt with your shit, they feel like you gotta deal with theirs. That's not how it works. I woke up and realized that you was toxic. I also realized what I was doing was toxic too. But that's not my problem if you dealt with it. You don't have to deal with it, and I don't have to deal with it, so I won't. Cause how do we grow as people if we keep ping-ponging trauma back and forth to each other?

SPEAKER_01 10:04

We ain't gonna grow, man. Shit. And we gotta break the chain, man. That's why I'm that's why I'm trying to position myself, man, to where, you know, I could actually do the, take the steps needed to get about that negative light, just be in the positive light, the shit my people, you know, they dealt with. I don't wanna remain in that shit, bro. Like, it happened to my grandma parents, my grandma, my mama, like, nah, man. Like, at some point, like, enough is enough, bro. Like, you don't wanna be, like, I'm I'm tired of being, I'm tired of feeling like I'm in fucking survival mode, bro. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

At some point, it's time to relax. Yeah, yeah. It's time to relax. And nobody wants you to have time to gather your thoughts. Everybody wants you to just be available and just do it, get it done. Nobody cares. How did you wake up today? Did you eat? Mm-hmm. Did you eat? I'm with I'm for everybody's shit. We all eat. That's my motto, bro. I don't give a fuck what's going on, bro. We all eat, bro. If if any of my people is hungry, it's nothing for you to hit my line and tell me, hey, I'm a little low. Can you shoot me something for some grub? If I got it, you got it. Facts. I ain't never one of them that's just like, man, what the fuck he calling me for? What she calling me for? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

It's been times where shit motherfuckers was in that position and had to reach out for that.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

But that's the thing. We you see, I'm never just broadcasting that shit. I don't need a camera following me every time I'm looking out for somebody. At all. As long as you're appreciative of it, that's all I look at. I don't look at like, okay, nah, I'm about to call you next week and you better have this, this, and that. Some people try to put that type of pressure on people. Like, if I do something for you, you gotta. Yeah, bro. And that's just not the way shit works. Even when I was doing them salads, bro, I'm like, hey, I was I was late for work. All them motherfuckers was just sitting there. I say, I'm about to pass these bitches out to the hood. Everybody about to eat. I'm not about to sit around and try to steal, re-rock them, and sell them the next day and this and that. No, these were supposed to be sold today. It was my fault I didn't wake up in time. I'm giving them away for free. Every last person was appreciative of it. That's all I cared about. It ain't always about the cheese that's supposed to come from it. So we don't have too many of those, like, that's giving back to the hood, giving back to the look, the youth, giving back to the uh to us. It ain't gotta just be kids. Just giving back to the older folks too, as far as whether you're in your 20s, 30s, and up. But people too, they act like they don't want the handout. They offended if you help them out too sometimes. So it's kinda you don't know what to do. Our people put you in a tough position where you don't know whether to help sometimes or you just don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Yeah, you really gotta scope the scene and just go from there. I just try to uh I just try to, you know, just pay it for it, like in anything. Shit. Um man, like I wanna get out here and uh like start um like planting trees and stuff, like just a little community service though. I don't be wanting like no, I'm not looking for no recognition or none of that shit. I just want to do something positive, something good. You know, maybe somebody see me doing it, that'll help them, you know, motivate them to actually do something positive too, do something nice too. Same thing like what I was talking about earlier with the uh the park situation. Like I, bro, I was out there for like like two, three, yeah, like two, three hours picking up trash. Like I threw away hundreds, like no more, hundreds of cut water, bro. Cases, cases of cut water. Um, bro, so many, I I found probably like hundreds of blunt rappers outside. I found people wallets, tasers, like I found all types of stuff out there. Just man, man, you you just gotta, I just try to just just do right, man. What I feel is right.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

You do right by others, but how often do you find yourself doing right by you as far as fuck the world? Let me focus on me.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Um the recent years, the recent years, uh a lot, a lot. I've been prioritizing myself a lot lately. Um like my my peace is like the most important thing for me. Like, yeah, if it ain't bringing me peace, it ain't for me.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

So I feel you. So what ways do you do that? Like what what seeds do you plant for your happiness and growth as a man? As a human being, fuck me, just a man, just as a human, like what what seeds do you plant and sow, you know, just for that extra boost of elevation?

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Um I look at it like doing stuff that I know uh like the people watching over me will be proud of. Um that's how I've been going about it. Like, especially at my grandma. Uh I just move like, you know, like shit. Your grandma looking at you like, man, better move right. She would be happy with that, bro. Like shoot, uh, or shit, your brother, man, what would your brother say about this? You know, just just stuff like that. Um, I uh like me personally, how I uh how I try to keep keep myself straight. Uh shit, I just like I said, I try to just give back. Like, just give. Everybody's so used to just take, take, take. I just try to give. That's what helped me out.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

So um I wanna tap back into like life after high school, but I also want to know, well, let's just go there first, then uh go on to the next question after that. After high school.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Uh life after high school, um it was weird for me. Uh like that first, not even that first year, like the first couple months out of uh high school, um shit, I immediately, you know, had to get to working and stuff. Uh so I was staying with my my Uncle Kelvin at the time. And uh shit, my first job, well, while I was in high school, I was working at the palace before they had uh tore it down. And um, I did that for a little minute. Then straight out of high school, I uh I had worked at Uncle Ray's, the uh potato chip factory, Birdwood at Interville. And um, I was doing that in the mornings, and then I was working at uh at Wing Stop at the same time. I was like 19. Man. Uh so I would go to uh Uncle Ray's, I had to be there. Oh, I had to punch in at 6 in the morning, and then I get up out of there like around 3 in the afternoon, and then I catch the uh catch the bus all the way to um Northland, get off up there, and then take the smart bus all the way to uh Southfield just to go to Wingstop. And I wouldn't leave from there till like, man, it was times I wouldn't get to the crib till like shit, damn near about the time it was time for me to go to the first dog. Man. Um, and then the household I was in, like it wasn't just me, like it was it was me, uh, my cousins, like a few of my cousins, my uncles, pretty much in the crib, like eight deep. And uh man, I was shit, the the one nigga, the go-to for everything, like when it came to just handling stuff around the crib or just just maintenance, pretty much, it was always B, B, B. Like I was around shit, doing the yard, shit, the the trash, just all all the little household chores and shit. But I said that to say, man, I would come home off of doing, you know, two gigs, and I gotta come back to wash my uncle's entire kitchen uh of fucking eight people. It's fucking four or five o'clock in the morning. Why do you want me to wash these dishes? You've been here all day playing video games, bro. Like, what the matter? Bro, I I feel you, bro. Uh yeah, uh, but yeah, that that was a little small portion. Uh uh, what happened after that? Shit, I moved, um, I moved to the east side, uh, started staying with my pops, and shit, that's where we had got into the job we was at. Uh, and shit, a little bit of time went by over there. Um, I had got my first crib, uh, ended up losing that, had to go back to Chicago, uh, stayed out there for a few years, and migrated back to the D. So I've been back out here since like what 2020? Like a good six years. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Nah, that's that's uh a lot. And it's it's crazy because in the midst of you going through everything you've been going through, you still made it through. Like your survival rate is 100%. So you at least gotta applaud yourself for that because you didn't have a clue what to do. I did. You was just in the mindset of I gotta make something happen. So you was just trying different shit to you know get by. And so it's like you can never let that go unnoticed. Because a lot of people not gonna salute you on that. They act like that part don't matter. Like you you steal a child, basically, because we ain't ready. When we a lot of us leave high school, we not ready for the world.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Not at all. High school don't really teach you like real life skills and shit. Facts. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

It's indoctrination and shit, bro. That's we supposed to have. Finance, uh, financing classes and how to, you know, how to utilize your credit. Not just how to write a check, but how to utilize your credit.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

I ain't learned about that shit until I was, what, mid-20s? Right. Then nobody teach me that shit.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Right. A lot of us don't understand how to use your credit until we fuck it up. So it's like we done fucked it all the way up. We done ran through all these bank accounts, then fucked up with everybody, burnt bridges with Chase, Bank of America, Wales Fargo, everybody looking at us like, you better not come here talking about you on the bank account. We already got word from down on the street, you ain't good. So it's like we we'll go through all of these different phases of life. And then it's the worst part about it, is not only do we fuck up our credit, either our parents might have fucked up our credit, or they just fucked up their own credit so much that they can't even teach us how this shit works. So it's like at the end of the day, something gotta change within us. We can't wait on the we we talk shit about the education system. Shit, we gotta teach each other. We we see that. You know what I'm saying? They don't want to teach us the right shit. They didn't even want to teach us, it was illegal to know how to read at some point for us. So what makes you think they're gonna put all the shit we supposed to know in the books? In the school? That's true. It's in a book, but it might not, it's probably not in your school though.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

That's facts. Half these schools don't even have the proper learning equipment to properly teach. Facts. They still use an outdated why why y'all still got books from the 80s, nigga?

SPEAKER_00 23:57

What? Bro, no cap. Bro, and it's so crazy because everything is glorified from way back when. I always tell people it's weird that Black History Month never includes people from today. It's only people that's dead.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

I ain't never thought about that.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

So why why is even entertainers today? Why is Casa not not black history in Black History Month? Why is Yeezy not? Why is Oprah not? Why is Tyler Perry not? We all black accidents, bro.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

They wanna give your flowers when you're dead and gone now while you're still here present. Yeah, I ain't waiting on that.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

I'm we in the algorithm, bro. I'm gonna speak on that myself as soon as you this is how fucked up the world is. They ain't gonna give you your credit, and then when you poke your chest out, they're gonna tell you humble yourself. I ain't humble as shit. You want me to humble myself so you can feel better about yourself? It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

I don't the piece nobody up, bro. Like, hell no. Like, I'm I I ain't in competition with nobody but me.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Facts. And that's the only competition there is. I don't do what I do to make somebody else feel bad or look bad. I do it because I know how much I've lacked over time. I know where I'm supposed to be at and where I'm not yet.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

Real shit.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

So I'm gonna poke my chest out. I need extra motivation sometimes. I'm gonna start talking crazy. You know what I'm saying? Like, can't nobody fuck with me. You know what I'm saying? Like, well, that ain't even talking crazy, but I'm saying, like, I'ma just be figure of speech, I'ma just be hyping myself up like a motherfucker because ain't nobody else gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Yeah, yeah, you gotta stand up and show out for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Facts. You got to. Facts. Do you know when I was a child, bro, I never heard good shit about me. Never. Like, no matter where I was at, school, home, out and about, anywhere, I never heard good shit about me. It took for me to get older and step away from the people I was around to start feeling love.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

That's real shit. You'll you'll see, you'll experience some real love from some outsiders before your own people for real. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Facts. Before your own people for real, bro. And that's just where I'm like, I can't wait on you, man. I can't wait on y'all to show me love. Y'all want me to wait on y'all to show me love whole time. It's people already appreciate me for what I do. Oh, for real. People already, my pops used to say, man, you live in a fairy tale world where you think because you are a good person that people gonna be good to you. Not only is they not gonna do that, bro, but I peep, they don't even want to try to understand me. People never understood me because of what I was going through, it had me like in a like I damn near was silent a lot. I was standoffish. I didn't really know how to talk to people because I was always pushed to the side. So putting conversations like this together or just being comfortable presenting myself, like what's the deal? Just meeting new friends was like I met new friends a lot, but it was just more so on the we live around the same area. I don't know if y'all really my friends, but we play together. You feel me? Tight shit, yeah. So you never really know your real friends until life played out. You know what I'm saying? Life plays out, like with us. How many people we then ran across, bro, that we ain't seen them? It's like we ain't seen so many people that we was tight as fuck with, bro. So it's like, okay, we continue to go through life. We still picking up trauma, we still probably haven't healed through trauma. Um the people that we coming in contact with, they going through trauma and shit too, but they acting like they don't understand it. They acting like they going through shit, but we shouldn't. And it's just like, where is our safe place?

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Man, that's why I uh like I said the other day, bro. Like I uh I'm proud of you for the shit you doing, man. Both of your pre-fase. Shit, we don't have that type of shit. Like this, I'm I'm glad I could be able to sit here and come into this safe space, because that's not nothing that I'm used to personally. Right? Oh right. But yeah, man, it's a beautiful thing. And again, man, proud of y'all for uh for creating this platform so we can actually be heard.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Facts. And I'm proud of not just me, I'm proud of us because you still came and was able to, you know what I'm saying, have enough patience with yourself and just allowing yourself to say whatever it is that you've either held in or haven't been able to really too much elaborate on it without maybe feeling judged or man. I just told you ever just tell somebody some shit, you just walk off like they really didn't give a fuck about what I just told them. All the time.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

All the time, bro. All the time. It's like that shit went in one ear and out the other. It's just like, man, you done gave them a whole essay life story? Okay, right. Right. Like, bro.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

You just told them your whole life story, damn, that's crazy. Man, so I'll chop it up with like, damn, you wait. You ain't got no advice.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

Like or my thing, it this be the one for me. Oh, how you doing today? You really want to know? Duh. Duh.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

But yeah, bro. That's I'm just I'm more so on some shit, like, let me pay more attention to people. Bro, and it's so crazy because I've been challenging myself throughout all of this because me just when I was smoking so much, I started having selective memory to where it's like my memory wasn't just bad, but it was like I might forget something I just thought about 10 seconds ago, but I could remember something from when I was seven years old. Oh, yeah, yeah. Vivid. Like, and it's just situations like that. So I'm like, let me challenge myself as far as my active listening, um, paying attention to the course of the conversation. Where did we last leave off? You know what I'm saying? Just different scenarios and being able to just have an open dialogue where we both in a safe space and comfortable talking, no matter who the person is. Knowing it's us, I'm like, this is cake, bro. Like, we both gonna, you know what I'm saying, be able to just get through it like it's nothing. But we didn't had countless of times. Niggas probably talked eight hours before on certain days. Real shit. Just time and time again, like, what's the deal? You good? Hell yeah. Or shit, this what we going through. Or, you know what I'm saying? Let's go hoop. It's just so many different things that we've experienced throughout life. Just like one thing you told me, and I I I remembered it after you told me, but I honestly forgot when you was like that situation when I had, I don't even remember how it played out, but the iPhone. When I had gave, I don't know if I gave it to you, sold it to you, or what, but it was when we was working together, and I just had a spare phone and you just you spoke on it, and I was just like, damn, so much shit happened over the years. I honestly swear to God, I didn't remember that at all when you spoke on it. This was probably that had to be like 2017, 18, bro. It was old as hell, bro. It was like an iPhone 6, bro. The shit was it was so far like iPhone 8 or 6, something like that. It had to be a 6.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

I think I is I did have six, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Yeah, damn. And I'm just like, we've had so many memories along the way. And it's like, I don't, I don't want negative memories to overshadow the positive in life. Because as much negative shit we went through, you gotta think, bro. You don't even know, you fuck around and live to 300. You know what I'm saying? Like, you don't know, so it's like, and even if it wasn't that, you can't allow or we can't allow all of our traumas throughout our years to dictate the rest of our life. And it's so easy for that gravitational pull to pull us into the dark. It's light over here, but we gon' we used to the dark though. As fucked up as it is, we not so much as we're comfortable mentally, but we're comfortable going back to the dark because we used to operate and in the dark now.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Yeah, that's what we knew.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

Yeah, we just turn, we just light up a candle. Fuck it, we in the dark. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like it's like we we we stuck over here. We don't know sometimes we don't know how to grow from a situation. Yeah. How many times have you grieved a dead relationship?

SPEAKER_01 34:26

We got what, 10 fingers?

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Hey, because I'm just like, bro, we a lot of times we will grieve a dead relationship more than we grieve a dead person. Facts. That's a hundred percent. And I'm just like, where do we go wrong? How do we get to that place? How do we get out of that place? Why is that so normal for us? Why do we like combating each other so much? Where's the resolve?

SPEAKER_01 35:04

Man, uh sh I don't know, brother. I don't know, man. I feel like uh I just I just feel like it just it's not many of our type of people left out here. So I feel like the ones that is here and trying to make a difference, just just just keep doing what you do and apply yourself because it ain't gonna always be like we like you you gotta have, you gotta have, to in order to have a good man, it gotta be something sour on the other end. But we just gotta do our best to overshadow that shit, over light that rather, man. Overlight that shit rather, man.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

What what well how do you go about like getting out of your own way in a time where like I said, it's been times I done fucked up so many times. How do you go about getting out of your way? As if, I mean, let's just say different scenarios, whether it's we taking too much time on one thing that we should have been done with, like, let's say one of the most common things we do, we say we gotta get our financials together. Knowing it don't take that long for us to get our financials together. My credit situation. Knowing it don't take that long to get your credit together, it's like we still just be going through it like well, I'm working on it. Well, I'm working on it. How do we get out of our way? What steps do we take?

SPEAKER_01 36:51

First, you gotta kill that procrastination. For sure, for sure. Uh that's like the biggest thing. I uh me will help me out. I uh shit, I'll talk to myself, bro. Like flat out. Like, not whether it be out loud or what I could be looking in the mirror. Like, sometimes you just gotta literally have them conversations with yourself. Like, bro, like, like nigga, you know damn well you not, you should be doing more. Like you could be doing more. But why you not applying yourself? Like, yeah. And that's that's a big thing. I try to uh have them conversations with myself, man, just so I could uh keep my own self afloat. Cause shit, if I ain't gonna tell me, who the hell is gonna tell me? Ain't nobody else gonna tell me for real. Facts, facts.

SPEAKER_00 37:38

So, excuse me, when you have these talks, do it ever be a thing about like self-love? Mm-hmm, definitely, definitely self-love, self-growth.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

How important is that to have self-love for yourself? You uh you can't love another person, another human being until you love yourself. If you don't love you, how you gonna love somebody else? Big facts, big facts.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Ooh, good one though. Do you feel that people are bullied out, bullied away from having self-love for themselves?

SPEAKER_01 38:21

Definitely, definitely, definitely. Uh 10. I definitely feel like, you know, people get bullied out of having self-love for themselves. But I I feel like they gotta some people just gotta wake up and smell the roses. Like, them motherfuckers smell like shit too, bro. Like you gotta you gotta you you really gotta uh man you really gotta um you really gotta uh just just open your eyes. It ain't easy for most, but um I say, bro. It took me trying to like I said, trying to do do do for you know for this person, for that person, for this person, versus myself, like bro, you like you emptying your cup, bro, like you who gonna fill your cup, bro? You gotta you gotta do that for you, man. Facts. You gotta do that for you, bro.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Facts. Yeah, I agree with that. And a lot of people, they do that. I and it's so crazy. You didn't, you didn't witness it, and we didn't know I witnessed it in in real life time in front of each other, too. Where we done been that work and certain people just like, why is they so happy? Why do you think, bro? I done had somebody say, I ain't who I think I am. Why is it that my confidence makes you feel bad? Make you feel inferior. Yeah, like I ain't doing, I'm not doing nothing to make you feel or the next person feel down about yourself. I just feel highly of myself.

SPEAKER_01 40:23

Bro, people will literally despise you just for you being you. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

You know, people used to tell me, bro, um, why you you come to work smiling and happy every day. You don't, I could tell you ain't been through nothing. What? Well, who even says that, bro? Hey, exactly. I'm like, I done been through everything. You don't even know me. Like what? Man, I'm like, I done been through so much, but I just realized like you can't suck in that misery.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

You can't, bro, because that shit ain't gonna do shit but make you miserable, bro. And then everybody else, misery fucking loves company, bro. Facts. You're not about to make me miserable because you ain't your life ain't going the way you want it to because of your own actions, bro.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

No. Facts. Well, and it's so crazy. Me and my OG were talking about this the other day. I'm like, one thing that held me back a lot from like doing the pod so much or doing different things that I wanted to do in life was being judged. Then I thought about it, I'm like, but they gonna judge me regardless. I might as well get rich. Like somebody always gonna have something to say. Yeah. Like they gonna judge you. I'm like, they judge Beyonce, bro. They judge LeBron, they judge Bro, they judge Jesus, bro. They judge Mario, dog. I'm like, it's nobody is exempt. So you gotta just do you and silence the lambs. Like, it don't matter, bro. You can't you can't just sit there and it's so crazy. You get so used to it. Sometimes you will find yourself checking for the noise. Why am I going to check for the noise? I shouldn't be doing that. I should be focusing on my craft. I should be sharpening my tools, I shouldn't be trying to see who's talking crazy. Oh yeah. And it's so many of us that just go on in life and don't accomplish half the shit we supposed to accomplish because of the noise. We too worried about the noise. Well, the noise always gonna be there. You better throw on some noise cancellating earbuds, like, come on, focus on you. You got to, or shit, you you gone far. Facts. Stop looking, look, tunnel vision. Stop looking around to see if they trail you. Tunnel vision. This ain't about their race, this about your race.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

Let's go right back to what I said, bro. Like, I ain't in competition with nobody but myself. Facts. Literally. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

Um, how well did you do you feel like you had boundaries growing up? Or if not, like when do you feel like you had them now? I mean, hold on, let me rephrase that. Do you feel if you had boundaries as a child? If not, do you feel like you have them now? If so, when did you develop? I'm gonna be honest, bro.

SPEAKER_01 43:30

I um I did not have that as a child. I didn't have boundaries up until like the most, like the past few years, for real. I didn't even really fully understand that until like a few years ago. But it's it's a necessity. Like I I, you know, got up on it and created that and you know, you know, respect my boundaries. And how important is it to be? Just have boundaries at an early age. Man, highly important. Highly important. I think uh, especially like the youth and stuff, more people should uh teach, you know, kids in general just about boundaries and and you know, just uh just the emotional side of stuff. Like, literally, it's a lot of stuff that I was not taught. Like, if I could go back and talk to myself, you know, I I definitely get old words of wisdom and you know explain a few things, but yeah, bro, um, yeah, I feel like I feel like we uh we definitely need to um instill that in the household more, or just in the community, period. Um but yeah, I I I have, I definitely have boundaries now. Uh and if you ain't, you know, if you ain't respecting them, then sorry, you gotta go.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

No, I feel you. Um so we get into, you know, the back end of the conversation, and I wanna, you know, throw out another wellness check. Like, how you feeling right now? Uh I feel good, bro.

SPEAKER_01 45:23

I feel, feel, I definitely feel way better, like the longer the uh therapy session went. I ain't gonna lie, a little nervous at first. First time being on the pod, but yeah. But yeah, like I I got a whole lot to talk about, but I know we ain't gonna be able to cram that in no one episode.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

Oh yeah, bro. The doors revolve and it's always open. Gratitude. But we still got some more to go. We ain't about to close out right now. We just, you know, letting you know we get into the end of this first, this first joint.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Yeah, a lot another thing too, a lot of stuff that I do want to speak on. I ain't wanna just come on the first time. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:05

It be like that. But it's always a good combo with us, bro. Like, we done had hella conversations.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

Hundreds of talks, nigga. Hundreds. We done had hundreds of conversations. Man, swear to God. Swear to God.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

Shit, we damn near a decade in. Man, it never get old, bro. So, like I say, the doors always open, bro. I'm just glad that you uh felt like you was ready. Cause I'm like, this was one that I really needed because I know, of course, we you know we didn't talk about everything. So I'm like, we need healing, bro. Hell yeah. We need healing. This ain't just healing for you. This conversation is healing for me as well. So I appreciate you even making yourself available to even, you know what I'm saying? Gratitude, come out here and cook. Gratitude. I appreciate you too, bro. Oh, yeah, for sure. They might not know you, hibachi style. I already know you're gonna cook every time. So I'm just like, hey, I gotta get my brother on here. We gotta, you know what I'm saying? I ain't know exactly what we might talk about, but I'm just like, I know this one, it's like one for the ages, for real. And it's always been like that. Even when we was just talking on the phone the other day about even getting to this point, that shit damn near was an episode within itself. For real, for real. It was.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

I'm like, damn, this shit have been on the puzzle. Man, facts, facts.

SPEAKER_00 47:40

So it's gonna be plenty of those, bro. Plenty of things. Hell yeah. Just the just getting your foot in the dough is the thing. I'm like, I'm proud that, bro, just he's ready though. That's what I never want to force somebody to do something if they not ready. Because I ain't always ready to do shit. So I know how I be like, you just gotta have that spirit to be like, okay, I'm ready, let me flow, let me, you know what I'm saying, get going. And this is just more of the healing that the world needs to hear, see, and preach to their own family and cut ties with the negative shit.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

Hell yeah, man. We gotta break that chain. I'ma keep saying it. I said it like three, four times, but it's man, you ain't hearing me. Facts. You gotta break the chain. Who's that? Uh fleet Macwood, gotta break the chain, man. Nah, for real though.

SPEAKER_00 48:40

So, how important is it to wash your hands, bro? Leave people where they at. You see it ain't going the way that you it's going against your morals or against your happiness. How important is it to just wash your hands no matter how bad you want to keep this person around? It could be a relationship of any kind. Just your spouse, your people, friends, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 49:14

I look at it like life or death. Because some situations, depending on, you know, whatever the circumstance may be, you stick around. That could be your demise. So it is highly important to, you know, stick to your stick to your guns, you know, stick to your boundaries, part ways with motherfuckers. If need be, you gotta separate yourself. You gotta isolate. You have to, you absolutely have to. If some shit is not good for you, bro, you gotta let that shit go. Just slide out. Facts. And I'm just saying that off experience, bro. Cause I done been in some dark places all because I'm trying to hold on to some shit that ain't worth holding on to. So you can say that again. Yeah, bro. You definitely gotta, and you're gonna feel so much better when you let that shit go. I promise you, you're gonna feel so much. It's like such a relief, like just that weight just lifted off you, bro. Facts. Man.

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Facts. It's like a dark cloud was on you, and then next thing you know, you got sunny skies.

SPEAKER_01 50:26

Hell yeah, man. Last year, last uh, last summer, bro, I had gone to uh to an ancestral veneration, and I had um like brought offerings and shit like to my ancestors and stuff. I um prayed by the waters and like brought uh food and like fruits and veggies and stuff and you know gave it off. Um when I was there, I had prayed for uh for peace and to um you know keep my enemies away from me. Yeah. And uh man, like the universe is crazy how it worked. Like you'll ask for something and you might not get it in the way you thought that you was gonna receive it. Um like the where I was staying at, man, I was uh staying with somebody that, you know, was an uncle to me. This was, you know, friend of the family. Uh my Uncle Morgan's best friend. And uh, man, long story short, bro, uh some stuff had happened. Um and I ended up leaving from over there. Um and I was staying in the uh in a telly for a little bit. Like when I first got in the telly, I'm like, dang, I asked for this, bro. Like, like just the whole sense of just just silence, bro, just peace. Like, when I was over there, bro, I I did not feel peace like at all. I felt like a big ass dark shadow just weighing over me. Literally, what you said, bro. Like, I was finding any and everything to like get out of that that mindset, that space, that state. Yeah. Um yeah, bro. Uh yeah, man. I uh damn.

SPEAKER_00 52:29

Yeah, man. Nah, you good, bro. That's but so that's the thing. A lot of times we go through those type of situations, and we be so comfortable in the situation that we not really ready to do. We think and we're gonna fuck ourselves up even more by just up and leaving. It's like, no, I'll do another month, I'll do another year, then I'm out. But we look at it as they they are like attacking us. You know, one way I start looking at it is God as helping them remove me from this toxic situation. He God is moving through their body. Even though they're coming off negative to me, if they didn't do this, I probably would still be there.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

Hell yeah, that part. I had to look at shit like that too. Yeah. So everything happened for a reason, man.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

Right. Because how do you operate on the higher level in the midst of turmoil? How can you do that? How do we get to know who we are and have a better, because this one thing you can have self-awareness while you're going through turmoil, but your mind's still cloudy. So once you know the clouds start to vacate and then it's uh all sunny skies, it's like, okay, now you're seeing yourself in a different light, though. I realized how much I was going through. I said, bro, the person I am now, even though that was just months ago, I'm like, I never put up with that kind of shit again. Oh yeah. To just see that I'm just operating in this like little, it's only slight shit that trigger me now. People jumping in front of me while I'm on the road, waiting to turn out at the last minute. Just little dumb ass shit. But it ain't like I'm going through turmoil relationship-wise. I'm not battling relatives, I'm not at odds with friends. I'm not back and forth with spouses and shit. Like it's like, bro, that's dead.

SPEAKER_01 54:44

Yeah, yeah. It's just the minor, you got the little, like little minor inconveniences. Like, that shit ain't, you can deal with that shit. You ain't gotta put up with the the extreme.

SPEAKER_00 54:56

And I'll never see you again. You piss me out off in the streets. I'll never see you again. So I can't hold that anger on me. I can't keep. It's not real, it's not real trauma.

SPEAKER_01 55:10

Cause how do like how do uh how do that sound? Like you, oh man, that nigga cut me off like two weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00 55:17

Right, like it's three years later. You still thinking about that. Like, bro, what the fuck? You out your shit if that's what's on your mind. Man, but when you constantly in a bloodbath of bro, I had somebody call me, bro, and they had me on three-way with somebody else. We talking about sports and ooh, ooh, ooh. Bro, the the insults just start flying, bro. And I'm like, you could feel like, we talking about hooping. I'm like, you could feel like you better than me, but like your skill set don't tip to me. My winning percentage let me know I'm better than you head-to-head matchups. Your skill set makes you better than me skill-wise, right? I'm like, but none of y'all really got more wins than me. I I don't really look at y'all as like y'all just this super tough ass competition because even though I was a late bloomer in this hoop and shit, I still figured out ways to win with my heart. My hustle. You know what I'm saying? Like, I ain't had a coldest game, just pulling that motherfucker all netter, netter, netter. You see, nowadays I be having games like that, but it wasn't like that.

SPEAKER_01 56:35

You had to had to work towards it.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

Right. And I'm like, so it was just the insult after insult, and then I'm like, these niggas gotta be crazy. They think I'm about to just hear this, like, and just I'm cool about it. So I'm just like, yeah, y'all boys be smooth. It ain't even no beef. I ain't about to cuss y'all out, I ain't about to say nothing crazy because it's not that serious to me. But you're not gonna discourage me though. Yeah, like why do you think that because I'm so confident, I shouldn't be so confident when I got the wins to prove it. And people will do that, they will try to corner you in and box you in. And it was so many things, it was crazy because I noticed my man's who was, you know, my cousin homeboy, he like, yeah, but he did have heart. He never backed down from nobody, he wasn't scared, and then he'll double back and still say some other bullshit. And I said, I I can I told myself, like, they're convinced that whatever they said before they called me, they gotta stick to that. So I'm not in the business of trying to change your mind. And we was just, it was a casual convo, and bro said something that it triggered me a little bit. He said, You acting like a female because you ain't letting me talk. I said, bro, what? We we no. He asked me a question, he said, uh, do I think if we all hooped, who would come out on top? I said, Well, I can't say we all probably are just everybody gets some doves in because we all good enough to do it. So I said, What about you? That's what made him say that. And I'm like, bro, what? You mad that I just asked you the same question you just asked me. You talking about that's what females will do, whoop woo, woo. I'm like, damn, you really mad. Like, I'm not even mad. Like, this, I'm not even gonna let this take my energy. This conversation is over. Like, I don't care what you feel after this because I'm not about to dwell on it. I used to have that bat where if somebody said something about me or just was against me, I would dwell on what they said for too long. It'll be weeks later. I will still be thinking about it. I'll see you two years later and still think about what you said to me that one day. Like, I can't really fuck with you because you still probably feel this way. And I didn't, and when they started talking, I'm like, damn, that just let me know how y'all really felt about me these all these years. I didn't even know that, but okay. But I ain't tripping on it now, so it's like, but that comes with growth and just me uh being able to go to like different forms of blocking out negative energy. Like, I don't even want to hear it. If it's not building me up, it's tearing me down in my eyes, but I'm not gonna react like rowdy about it, cuz who cares? You got your problems when we get off this phone. I got mine. Real spirit. So I'm not about to do, dawg, he got me fucked up. Okay, you feel that way? That's a whole lot of meet me on the court. That's all I would say is just meet me there if you want. You know what I'm saying? But other than that, I ain't got nothing for you. Like, this ain't about to be every time I see you with smoke. It ain't about to be, you know what I'm saying? But too many times, small disagreements like that turn into an eruption amongst people that was either once cool or at least cordial. And I'm just like, I think more of us need to practice that because how many times we done seen best friends kill each other?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:29

Oh, too often, and it's unfortunate. Over bullshit. Over bullshit. Well, I just seen the other day, motherfuckers then smoked each other over some fried chicken. Man. Bro, like what? Crazy. And then you so some years ago, I'm sure you seen it on the news. These fools then had a whole shootout over who make the best Kool-Aid.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:50

Like, come on. Hey, man, facts. And it's like, bro, none of this shit worked. I'm tired of hearing innocent kids getting killed. Five year olds. Two year olds. The little baby was just in the car when uh the brother and sister got killed together. I heard. And the her one-month-old baby was in the backseat. I'm like, damn, that's that's fucked up, bro. That's unfortunate for our culture, bro.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:21

That's a that's a a bad look on all of us, man. It is, bro. It is. It is. We we just we gotta do better, bro. I agree, I agree. Definitely gotta do better, man. We got to. Um That's why I say it's up to people like us, you know. Do what we can gotta lead. Man, fact leading like facts.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:49

Um last couple questions. What role do you feel fear play in your life?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:01

Fear to uh played a huge portion, especially like the earlier stages of my life. I was uh That was like one of the first emotions that I really uh like encountered for yeah, like everybody like was fear. And I don't feel like it was like, you know, to my own accord, like my people instilled fear in me.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:30

So shit, bro.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:33

How often do you feel that families instill fear into the youth? And why do you think they do that?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:45

How often? Every day, every day, for generations, generations, decades. Um re- re-reiterate that question with Motel.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:02

How often do you feel that families instill fear within, not even just the youth, within each other? And why do you feel that that's a thing? Why do you think that they do that?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:17

I feel like it all goes along the lines of that trauma, that trauma bond and shit, bro. Like, like it happened to me, so it gotta happen to you. I had to learn from this, so you gotta learn from what the heck I learned from. Why you can't just show me how not to, like the right way. Like, you why do I gotta go through the negatives, the same shit that you went through? Why you can't do it in a positive light? Like, come on, man. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:46

Facts. That's crazy. I I think a lot of people, they put their own, they project their own strength or feelings about themselves on you. They feel like if they couldn't do it, you, it's no way you could do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:01

Man, that you I don't I don't let that's another thing I had to learn, like, was not to let people's own fucking shortcomings dictate how the fuck I'm gonna go about my life and shit. Facts. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:18

That's bro, that's crazy. That trauma bonding is a motherfucker too, bro. So many relationships are built off of trauma binding. And so it have you thinking in a delusional manner to where you thinking this is just real love, but a lot of times you see in these relationships people just looking for the next big thing. Or what they think is the next big thing. They look like, oh, it's that grass looks a little more greener than what's over here. Let me go stand on that grass.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:53

Versus you sitting there and mending to your garden, watering your garden, pulling your shit up. Everybody wanna everybody wanna take, take, take. Don't wanna grow.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:06

How how often throughout all of this, like all of these days of life you've lived, how often do you have grace for yourself?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:19

Or have you, how often have you had grace for yourself? Not often. I'm getting better with it. Like, man, like like I was saying, like these past, bro, like the past three, four years for me, there's been a lot of a lot of reflecting, a lot of a lot of isolation, a lot of growth. Um man, uh Damn. Go back, bro. Shit. How often have you had greats for yourself throughout life? The greatest, the great. Yeah, man. Uh I'm trying to. Just right there. Gotta give myself some grace. Cause shit. I try to uh give myself as much grace as I possibly can and not try to be too hard on me. Uh because shit, I've been through a lot of shit. And just because I didn't been through a lot of shit, don't uh don't mean I gotta just be a bad apple out here, man. I feel you, I definitely agree to that.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:27

Yeah. Um do you feel as if you trust yourself to get it done? And what I mean by get it done, that's every aspect of life. And how important is it to be able to trust yourself to get it done?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:47

I do. I do feel like uh I could trust myself to get the the things I need necessary, you know, complete. Because at the end of the day, bro, you all you got. Like if you don't do it, who will? You got to. I got you.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:08

Alright. So we in the fourth quarter, point throw on the clock. You're gonna run off with this one. How do you accept, how do you go about accepting losses but not reviewing, I mean, but not viewing it as failure.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:30

The way I uh's to me are learning experiences. Listen, I don't look at a loss as a loss, I just look at it as you learning, you growing from this, you got the room to make a difference. You got the room to to go about the shit a different way. Like, yeah, every every L is a is a learning experience. And then I like I said earlier, like everything happened for a reason. Like shit, I got this damn shit tattooed on me, like regret nothing. Like, I don't regret anything, like um the good, the bad, like nah, like it's character development. Like that shit made me who I am. So nah, that's what's up.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:22

Yeah, I fuck with it tough. Um, so that's gonna be the last question. Um for the people, I need advice from you. For the people that it could be man or woman that's going through life that feel like how we felt, like nobody is coming to save us. Um we taking law, it feels like we're taking losses left and right. We don't know which way is up yet. We still, we we coming through life, we ain't got too many experiences yet, other than trauma. How do we grow through this to see a better day? Like, what do we do to sow those seeds? As a you gotta think, we talking about anybody, it could be any age group, children, teenagers, adults, and we just it's so much unhealed trauma, unresolved trauma. How do we go about getting past it?

SPEAKER_01 1:09:31

That's a good question.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:32

Or healing past it, not just getting past it, because that's the difference. Healing past it. How do we heal past all of this?

SPEAKER_01 1:09:43

Uh man, I feel like I I really I really push like the whole therapy thing, like talking about, you know, what's going on with you. Even with the kids, like uh I really feel like more uh kids should be introduced to to therapy. I don't really know how it's going this day and age, but um just talk to somebody, man. And then if you if you feel like you can't really speak to whoever you're speaking to, shit, talk to God. Like somebody, bro. Like, don't just hold all that in, man. You gotta, you gotta gotta let that out. Right. In some way. Whether even if it even if it's not talking, you need to find some outlet. Whether it's like shit, you can write about it, you could, you could uh, shit, art, anything. You know the computer, you can do something, man. Shit, push-ups, work out. Shit, that's what I did. Shit, facts. Working out helped me a lot to get through a lot of the shit that I was going through. Shit, I used to, I bust out like 500 push-ups like an hour before I go to work. Man. Lift weights. Shit. Eat better, eat clean. It's all about what you consume it for real. And not just like the physical stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:15

Um, I definitely appreciate you for like yet again for coming through. This has been a great episode. Uh this been therapy in motion with my dog, very special guest, my brother B. Uh shit. Until next time, we out.