THE PLANNER VS THE SPONTANEOUS | FOR BETTER OR WORSE & THEN SOME

PARRIS IS BACK!!! VINCE AND HER DICUSS WHOSE THE PALNNER AND WHOSE THE CARELESS ONE IS. THEY DISCUS FUNNY STORIES ABOUT BUYING THEIR FIRST DOG AND HOW IT WAS A TOTAL FAILURE TO HOE EVENTUALLY THEY RECIEVED A DOG AT THE MOST RANDOM TIME DUE TO VINCES ACTIONS. THYE DICUSS OVER ROMANTIZING YOUR PARTNER AND HOW BAD IT CAN BE TO PUT THEM ON A PEDTALSTOOL. THERE IS TONS OF LAUGHS, STORIES AND PARRIS RANDOM SINGING OF SONGS ALL IN THIS EPISODE.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:05

It is another episode of For Better or Worse and then some. I'm your host, Vince, with my lovely wife and my co-host Paris. And we are trying to survive yet another day of this massive heat wave.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

Heat waves.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

And uh heat wave. And um I was like, man, we gotta get a podcast in because it's been a while and we can't even uh really focus because it's so hot. So but we didn't find a way to cool off using one of the ACs, cool off one of the rooms in the house and a bedroom. We got like dual fans going that dual.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

I don't know what the fuck I had.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Wow. Oh sorry. And that's that's working but not working. I don't know how that's that's really kind of going. Um but with that being said, uh, we are glad that you are joining us here on the Retreat Production Network, home of various podcasts. Um, and we hope that you are enjoying all the podcasts. Hope you enjoyed the last episode I did with uh Pastor Mark Staten from New Creation Church Guide up in Flint, my homeboy, my brother. Um, of course, this week P is back. She is back welcome back like I never left. Welcome back with B. Um and uh we are going to talk about well first off, how how are you feeling today? How how how's this week been for you?

SPEAKER_01 2:14

This week has been very stressful, but that's just work. Um there's a lot of changes going on. But outside of work, uh been feeling pretty good. You know, my little area, my little, you know, it's not a she shed, maybe it's a she room. Because this is where I come when I get home from work has actually helped, you know, me to come down and just be a better wife and a better mom.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Uh your girl cave. Sure. There you go. Or your your your girl penthouse, because it's in the upper part of the room. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Upper room.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

I mean, I again glad that we, you know, put this room together for you, for you to decompress, for you to watch TV, for you to not watch TV. I kinda like she do not use my 70 inch enough to be to have a 70 inch. Give me my 70 inch back.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

I mean again, I never that was you doing something kind. I I would have been fine as being in here scrolling on the phone. But you said, you know what, take a look at the phone.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Yeah, but no phone because yeah. That's the other part of being in your room, it's no phones. Right. It's about being not it's about detaching, yes, not distracting.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

So I'm learning or relearning rather to sit in calm, to sit in peace. And that's what this space offers. The opportunity to do. So again, thank you for helping me make it a reality, and thank you for making me stick to coming up here to take the moment, you know, to just sit and dwell and process and things. So thank you. Kudos.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Oh wow. Oh. This week has been ooh, how are you feeling?

SPEAKER_01 4:07

That's a funny jack question. Cause somebody went back. Some people run at the first sun, we oh you trying to run. Ain't no stormy weather though. You just trying to run. It is a stormy weather. We decide that dude.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

What is it? Oh, Jesus. Spill the bangs already. They're wondering what we're talking about. Um, so I went back to work this week.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Went back to work. I'm going, going back, back to wally, wally world.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

Give away where I work at what I'm don't get it. So yeah, went back to work. Um as far as like the the more the workforce. Right, right, right, right. Bittersweet, man. I mean, two years of like being a full-time dad, but also, you know, doing other things and carrying other loads. Um, very difficult picking this type of load back up. Yeah. Um body been on fire. It's been very physically draining, it's been very mentally challenging, it's been very emotionally draining. Because all three are at constant war and and constant pull for they're like three children all vying for attention. It's like my body's like, I'm I'm hurting, I need attention. Can you stop this? And then I'm like, no, we no, no, no, go sit down, body, it's okay. And then my mind's like, nah. And I'm like, it's okay, man. It's okay, my and then my emotions just like I'm like, it's okay, well. And so it's like three children pulling at me when I'm at work because just the toll is taking after not um, you know, working like that in two years. So um it's definitely glad that I am grateful for it, glad to kind of be back with some people that um make it a little bit easier because I know them and as familiar faces, and that's a lot of that and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

And they're always glad you came.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Uh you and I live in who should be. Cheers.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

They never I know. I just for the people who don't know that song.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

You don't know that song after 50 years. It's a throwback show. Come on now.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

That is a throwback. Everyone should know that song.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Everybody knows your name. Everybody should know that. I think every I'm trying to just include everybody, okay? It's cheers. They might not know.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

They might not know. Um, so yeah, tough week, man. Tough week, but pressing through it. And then uh super proud of you, super proud of you. It's not easy. So um, this episode I wanted us to get into. I heard a great conversation between uh Evet and Belief on their How Married Are You podcast. Shout out to those people. And um, they were talking about something that I was like, hey, that's a great conversation because we're it reflects us as well. And they were talking about perfection versus or or more so the planner versus the spontaneous. Now they were talking about perfection versus um progress? Progress. Okay. But it also kind of reflected the same thing of uh planning versus spontaneous, and because she was just talking about like how um Glenn would see a recipe on TikTok about a beef wellington, and then would um watch a couple videos on it, read, you know, maybe one thing, and then get in the kitchen and just, you know, wham bam, thank you, ma'am, you know, figure it out. Whereas she's like, she would have like done all the research, got the measurements, got the amount, right? Followed the recipe. Yes, and so I was like, oh wow, this is so us.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

This is accurate. This is so us. And so um you like to wing it. I don't but it's interesting. I think it depends.

SPEAKER_02 9:00

I do think it depends. And that's how they were too, because he was saying when it comes to family things, like she would just be like, hey, let's go camping. No, no plan, no preparation, no, like, hey, do we get everything? Do we know what we even need when we're out there? Just yeah, let's go out there and figure it out. But for him, he's like, no, I won't, whoa, whoa. We're gonna walk, research, you know. So it does flip-flop for certain things for them. Um and I'm like, that is so bushy. Since the day I met you, you have always talked about it. Since that person, and I was like, I don't even list anything. I don't know where things listed. Right. To me, it's what needs to happen and what may happen and what could happen. There's too many, there's too many. I need a list. Every time. I need a list. Every time. Where did you where do you think you you develop that like need for like needing answers? Cause I know that's even something. Needing answers? Like needing answers because a part of plant people who plan are they need answers. They just can't get up and do something. They can't, you just can't. I don't say, hey Lucie, um, we're just gonna get dressed and we're just out the door. You're at least gonna know. You you're gonna know something. You're like, where are we going? Do I need to wear this? Do I need to wear that? You you at least have a sense for needy answers. And I and I know we've even talked because like that's something that even in your walk with God, like you struggle with like the need for answers, but then also knowing like you have to spontaneously all in a way trust God. So what for you what's that is layers to that, I think. Super layers. But what's the earliest memory for you, like knowing, like when you started realizing, like as a kid, you went from probably being spontaneous, maybe, to the age where you like, I would rather know and be prepared for stuff.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

I mean, I think it's a uh a progression because you know, when you're in preschool, kindergarten, first grade, you go to school, you learn structure. It's uh it's somewhat more lax depending on what school you go to. Right. And then the older you get that it becomes more rigid, you know, having to stick to a schedule, having to know your schedule. Now you you go from okay, your teacher taking you to this class, and then taking you back to the homeroom to now you have to find the class yourself. You gotta figure out where to go, you know, in like middle school, high school. Like, and for me, I went to private school, so I mean it was smaller buildings, smaller class sizes, and then when I got to high school, I'm having to navigate this whole building trying to find my class and beater on time because attendance becomes more of a thing, like everything just becomes more rigid. So I just think again, you lose it over time, or just you know, with how school is set up, at least for me, and then like I'm all cool again. It does depend on what we're being spontaneous about, right? And I'm like, all right, cool, let's go. But the moment I feel like safety is at risk, or laws are gonna be broken, like my mind kind of goes to the extreme. I'm like, hey, yeah. Wait, you said we're doing what now? We gotta go where now, or like, okay, no, I probably shouldn't disclose that.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

Yeah, because I'm like, what am I out here doing that I got you breaking laws?

SPEAKER_01 12:40

But if I feel like uh-oh, this to cause trouble or issues, my openness to the spontaneousness goes down. It goes down. If I feel like I'm trying to think, because like my dad was the spontaneous parent, my mom was more of like structured, scheduled, so I had the best of both worlds. Like, with my mom picked me up from school, I could probably, you know, predict, okay, we're gonna go home. I gotta do homework, she's gonna get dinner, all the things. If my dad picked me up from school, though, I don't know where we're going. We could go to the park, we could be going to little Caesars to pick up a little slice for like a snack or two. We could go to the liquor store and get, you know, it's just we we would never, it wasn't just going straight home. A lot of times, my dad, even if like my mom was taking me to school, I knew I had to wake up at a certain time, do all the things. My dad sometimes, depending on if what time we woke up, uh, we stay home today. Like it just depends on what you mean by like being spontaneous. But I think the shift for me, it was a progression, and then I just kind of carried it, carried it on as far as like okay, well, if we're doing that, what about this? If we're doing that, what about this? Maybe at some point I I can't really pinpoint it. Maybe something happened where I was caught off guard, I didn't like it, or it caused some type of consequence, where because I wasn't prepared, you know, it didn't work well in my favor or something, so I just sometimes I can over-prepare, depending on what it is, so I'm not you know just out here.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Listen, I have seen your over preparation uh show up in so many ways. So many ways. From buying a car to picking a dog. I have seen this.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

I think sometimes if you it have too many options, it makes you indecisive, and that's the other part of the overpreparing.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

You do so much research that you just are indecisive.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Oh, it's just the choice, and that'd be the killer part is you'll be like, Oh, well, I just need to know some more. And then it's like the more you know, the worse it done got. Because now you're like, I know too much.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Those PSA announcements, the more you know.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

Man, it's not good. It's not good. No, um, I think I've always been spontaneous. I can see that. I have always I can see that. I don't think I've Which is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

I've prepared and planned for more. I think your ability to pivot though, because of the situations you ended up in due to being spontaneous.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Top tier.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Yeah, I've learned to pivot because when you are spontaneous, you have to be you have no control of the outcome. So then when you have an outcome, if it's not one you you that's favorable, you have to pivot in order to make it favorable, or else you have to just settle for a bad outcome.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

So it's like, okay, um, you know, I can plan for something, and it's like you plan to a certain point, and then everything else, you're like, oh, we'll play it by you.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

I plan enough to to to try to attempt what I hope the outcome is going to be. And then I don't think about none of the other possibilities, and those are the things that normally get me.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

Is the other possibilities I never thought about me when I'm like, well, I consider these possibilities. I only consider the outcome that I desire.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Oh, oh, okay. I oh yeah, I'm always like, This is what I want to accomplish, or this is what I'm looking for, so that's what I'm gonna do. And then you can be like, well, booshi, but what if this happens? I don't know because I'm only focused on this one outcome. I do know. And you're like, but what if this happens? And I'm like, don't know either, but I do know I have this outcome, and that's what I'm aiming for.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

And so, you know, that's kind of how how we balance each other out where it counts, and that's that's the whole point of the story, right? No. See, where are we going with this?

SPEAKER_02 17:12

In real time. What are we doing? What are we talking about? In real time. Why are we doing it? No, um I think it is, I think it's that was spontaneous. That was spontaneous. That was combustible. Oh, help Lord. This heat been drying my throat. I don't make me cough, man. Um but how hard is it for you? I think that and I talk about it as well, but how hard is it to be the partner of a spontaneous person?

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

When it comes to the dynamic of leading, following, like supporting, um, you know, even trying to be able to manage and check temperature about like, okay, I can kind of see where this is about to go because I'm the planner. So I can kind of see where things are about to go off the rail, and I gotta easily and and nicely try to find a way to be like, I we probably shouldn't, we probably shouldn't before it goes off the rails, or even saying, like, oh, this is about to go off the rails, and now I just gotta support them through the off the rails.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Yeah, we didn't we didn't face those challenges.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

How how but how is it for you as the planner, like when you you you are going through those emotions of not so much always agreeing and being in agreement with uh the spontaneousness?

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Um I'm trying to think. Because there I think it's like on a scale, like certain situations, uh, okay. But then like more like consequential. I don't know if that's a word. I'm on your tip today. Consequential, I don't know if that's a word. Okay, but those type of scenarios, it could be frustrating, it could be disappointing, it can be again just is there an is the overwhelming comfort you have or a moment that you remember? Uh I would say getting our dog. Um that was a very spontaneous job. Shout out to Lola. Uh though she is a loving, kind, she's a good, I still sit it some days and be like, see, all this is happening because it goes back to when you was just like opportunity presented itself. I'm just like, so even in that, like when you surprised us with her, I was like, okay, well, did you call about this? Did you talk about this? I said, What is it? I said, what is that? I just needed you to verbally confirm for me.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

So to give a little context. So I knew it was real.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

I said, what is that?

SPEAKER_02 19:58

I was in Alabama and I was visiting my sister, uh, my brother, uh, my biological father. Um biological father.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

I'm sorry. It's how you broke the word now. It felt like a lot as you were saying it. I'm sorry. It just tickled me. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

My biological father, um, and and and the rest of the family down there. Um Kobe had previously been saying for a while she wanted.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Now again, I don't remember this. I don't remember this. Maybe this was the one-on-one.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

And no, she had said this. I don't remember. I must have There are some things you just tune if you were not listening to it.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Oh that's accurate.

SPEAKER_02 20:49

She said that? Oh, we didn't know. That's what I said. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

But me and her had had one-on-conversations as well. So it wasn't just the group conversation, us as a family. It was there were times when I was putting her to bed, or oh we were going to school, or something where she's like, oh, she acts the right one about a dog or whatever. And so being the dad that I am, I'm like, man, I remember when I I was nearly close to the same age, maybe a little bit older.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

You were older. I think your mom said you was like 10, 11. Roughly around Cobra said. That was probably.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

I was probably like eight or then when we got rusty, I probably was like 10 or 11.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

So we shouldn't wait until she was 10 or 11. Oh, so I was like, man, um, you know, as as her loving dad, I'm like, man, you know, I would love to give Kobe that experience.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Like, and now granted, she has a auntie that has a dog, she's been Around dogs since she was a baby. For sure. So again, she's getting the experience every time we visit my mom and my sister. Which is or if she spends the night over there, she's with she's with my sister's dog. So she technically she had a dog. Not really.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Oh no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 22:22

But we so I'm like, okay, I would love to be able to do this for her. Um because I think you know it'd be nice and stuff. So my thought process going into this is previously when Paris and I poke about getting a dog. It went bad. It went bad. It was more than bad. It was a lifetime I was told. It was like a half lifetime.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

And that wasn't proof enough for you. Or maybe it was proof enough for you to just be like, eh, uh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Not this time.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Fun story short, it was our anniversary, and it was just the two of us. Kobe wasn't born at the time, and we talked about getting a dog. So we went to the Humane Society, and we were in one of the like visitors' rooms, and they brought in quite a few different dogs, and I just could not decide. And ultimately, we ended up leaving because I was just so emotionally triggered because one was a very old dog, and they were giving us a long list of things that we would have to do for the dog, and that made me sad. And then there was a very hyper dog, and I'm very chill, laid back, and I said, nope, I can't do it. I can't, I can't, and similarly to like the schedule Vince hasn't he would be at work, so I would be home by myself with the dog quite a bit, and I said, No, this dog is too much, I can't do it. Now, each dog they brought in that room went straight to Vince. Each one.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

Well, I think partially because I was more so open to receiving the dog, and you were so standoffish. The dog was like, Oh, she don't like me. He does though, and it came to me because I was more so open because you know they say if you if you are afraid of a dog, you can tell. So I was like, let me be welcoming and open when they bring the dog in so that it feels safe and it doesn't feel you were just like.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

I was emotional. I I think I was just emotional. So we left with no dog, and I was just crying, and I was apologizing because I knew Vince really wanted a dog. I said, I'm so sorry I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

Well, I think we wanted a dog, and I think we had kind of was hoping like to get one and have one, you know, and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

I think it was uh Meanwhile, I'm getting overly emotional because as we're walking, I'm seeing all the dogs in the cages, and I'm like, I just want to free them all. I want to find a home for all. So when they kept them all that I can't pick. All these dogs look so sad. They all deserve a home.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

Boosky.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

It was it was it was compound compound.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

It's it's only it's only funny because now Kobe has your same compassion, and it's so it's so endearing. Like when we were downtown a couple days ago, and we walked past this homeless guy, and you know, he he as we were walking by, he was like, Hey, I said, hey, how you doing, man? And uh Kobe just says, and I said, What's going on, Kobe? And she was like, That homeless man is homeless. And I was like, I said, Yeah. I was like, how does that make you feel? She was like, Well, I just wish we could help him and give him a place to stay. And I was like, well, Kobe, we can pray for him. And you know, we can pray for all the you know people that's uh that has to be on the street tonight when we when we pray for bedtime. And she was just like, I wish we could just help them all. Like you are your mama's child. But she has my heart as well, because I'm very compassionate like that too. I'm very, very, very big on like, man, how I just don't like seeing people suffer knowing that if there's even the slightest way I can help, that I feel entitled to do it because of just being blessed. Just being blessed, it's like, why wouldn't I, why would I covet a hoard what I have when there's somebody who truly has without, and I can just share and still be fine. So, but at that moment.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Fast forwarding from my tragic, traumatic episode to now he's at this visiting his family and this opportunity come.

SPEAKER_02 26:53

Yeah, well, and so my dad is like, hey, I have uh I was telling him about oh Kobe saying she wanted a dog. So my ooh man, this uh work and night stuff, boy. She's my my my uh my father, biological father.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

I was about to say put the biological on front, you can't forget it.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

My biological father. Um is like, hey, I have a dog this perfect, like this perfect timing. She's she's young, she's this, that, and the other, blah, blah. And so I said, okay, fine. And so on my way out of Alabama, I go down to see the dog at his house, and there she is. She's, you know, this little um, you know, like uh blue-nosed pit mixed with like uh like a bulldog, and my first thought is oh crap. Because I already know Paris is not mad him wrapped around Paris is not a fan of the breed. No, I said I'm a medium-sized. She's not a fan. Her sister has like small, very little fur balls.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

But I had other dogs before that dog.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

I was around a big dog. But you've had a lot of she's about the same size that she was supposed to be. So it's not that I'm afraid of, you know, that size.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Max was a big dog for sure.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

Yes, he was a boss dog.

SPEAKER_02 28:24

She's more, she reminds me more of Nicholas.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

See, I never met Nick. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

Nicholas was kind of like Nicholas, I know is Saint Nick. So either way, back to what we're talking about. Um I say, cool. I'm going. So he's like, yeah, if you want her, you can take her. You can give her a good home. She's trained, this, that, and other, da da da. I'm sorry. As you were saying, partially trained. And um if that so I I automatically think if I call Paris and tell her it's a no. It's a no off rip. There's gonna be so many questions. Paris is gonna have so many questions, and one thing I she knows is you get to ask me questions that I'll have answers to. The only thing I'm gonna keep telling you is, do you want to do it or no? So I'm like, I'm not even bothered. We've done this role before, basically. And she straight butchered it. We're not doing this. I'm not doing this. I said, I'm taking the dog, and I'm not gonna say, and at first, I was like, I'm not gonna say nothing until I pull up at home. Because even if I'm on the way home, if she hates this idea, I'm gonna hear about it and I'm gonna feel bad all the way back home, knowing that either A, I'm not, we're not gonna keep the dog or be like whatever, you know. So I'm like, uh-uh. So maybe about an hour, two hours in, I'm like, okay, this dog is just beautiful. She's just a little puppy, and she's just and I'm like, oh, she's all sucker for puppies. And so I said, I just can't. I really want Kobe to have this moment. I want her to be excited about something the whole time, knowing that dad's coming home with this puppy. So I'm like, I'm calling. And then that's when we get to Paris being like, What is that?

SPEAKER_01 30:30

No, he basically was trying to be cute, like, I'm not coming home by myself. I'm like, what do you mean? The Holy Spirit coming with you? What I'm confused. And then he put his phone towards the back seat of the car. And I said, What is that white ball? I can't see, what is it? And he was like, It's a dog. I said, What kind of dog? Immediately, I'm thinking, breed. What breed of dog is this? I can't tell from the picture. What breed is it? And then he said, Pit boo. I said, nah, out of all the dogs that we hear about in the news, that's the one you get. And again, I could tell he was very excited, and my response was somewhat deflating that excitement. So I tried to readjust, but I had more questions. I was like, has she been vaccinated? Did she not vaccinated, my guy? Did she get her shots? He's like, I don't know. I'm like, well, how old is she? I don't know. I'm like, none of these things were important to me. Now we knew she was like a puppy, so she couldn't be no more than six months. But again, in my mind, because I had a dog, I'm like, we have to get her shots, we have to get her into the vet as soon as possible because we don't know. And she's about to be in the house. She needs, I said, Do you know how much a plan costs? I don't know. See, this is what I'm talking. So I'm Googling, looking stuff up, trying to find the stuff, and he's driving on the way home. So then he calls me, like, hey, I'm close. You need to go to the store and get a bowl and some dog food. Cause I just been feeding her snacks. See, here we the now it's eight o'clock something. I'm running to the store with Kobe. And I think it did she know at that point. I think she knew. Yeah, I think she knew. I think she knew. So we're running to the store to grab some little bit of stuff. So when Luna gets here, you know, she can drink and eat. And guess what though, guys? She don't have a cage. Because it was a spontaneous decision about the baby while he was away. So now we gotta lock her in our room. Now, granted, Luna is a smart girl. She found somewhere to lay. She she found she liked to sit in the container I had under our bed with like some like old pajamas, and she just would sleep there for the time being. The flip side. Now I'm having to get up earlier than I'm used to to make sure she gets out in time. Because guess what? There were a few moments mornings she did not. I did not get up in time, so I woke up to mess. And Vince is like, so it's like having a baby all over again, except there's no diaper catching this mess. This mess is on the floor. And it smells, it smells so bad. And then I'm like, oh, what happened to that puppy that had your heart that was plucking your heart strings? Oh my gosh. I said, I see so long story short, we ended up getting all the stuff we needed for Luna. It was just again, we had to hit the ground running and make so many adjustments, and then trying to teach her, you know, to sit, to lay down, to get off the couch, you know, to get off Kobe. Like Kobe had to learn how to interact with her too. Cause she's she's she didn't live with the dog. You know, it's just yeah, she would be around my sister's dog here and there. So Kobe had to get used to having a dog in the house. She had because Luna, she a dog. She see food, she gonna eat it up. Kobe would leave her snacks sometimes, she leave her food. She came back, Luna didn't inhaled it all. So it's like just different things you have to learn when you have a dog.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

Hey, listen, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna front. Like a little bit of time in, I was like, Why did I do this?

SPEAKER_00 34:27

I was like, why did I do this?

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Why what was I thinking? I don't, it was so but it it it's those things though that like though the the learning curve of having her and all the experiences of dealing with her, the highs and the lows, like those are the things to me though that make life memorable and beautiful. It's like, yeah, you can be like, oh now we gotta clean this up and the dog then did this, and it's like but these are things that when that day comes and and and and we no longer are gonna be with her, it's those are gonna be the memories that we're gonna cherish. It's like, oh remember when you she used to make this mess, blah blah blah. And that's like like is it's like when somebody said, Um, what are what are people without memories? You know what I'm saying? Like, what are what what are moments without memories? And and so it's like that is gonna be the thing that's like, oh man, that drive bringing her up and like stopping at all these rest stops and then looking in the stores, trying to figure out how can I feed her something because all the dog foods they ain't got a can opener. Everything was closed too.

unknown 35:45

Yeah, beef call.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

Well, I mean, they had dog food, but I didn't have a can opener. Oh so I'm like, I I'm I'm buying her dog big the dog jerky sticks. And I'm like, okay, let me get uh 10 jerky sticks. I'm giving her like a jerky stick every 30 minutes to an hour, like, here you go.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

You know, like spoiled, she was spoiled on the way up here, and then he be looking at her like what you spoiled her. That is, that is, but it's it's uh get out of my head. I said, but not I think part of it also was like my dog that we had to put down, that was really hard for me. And uh we had that dog because my sister wanted a dog, that was her first dog, and my dad got him from the Humane Society, so we had his name was Skipper. We had Skipper, I think I was in fifth grade, uh, it had to have been like fourth, maybe like fourth, fourth grade, and then we had to end, we ended up putting Skipper down. I think I was either a sophomore or junior in high school, so we had him for a long time. So when we had to put him down, it just he was my study buddy, like he'd be up late at night with me when I was studying for tests and and doing my homework. And then I remember when his particular breed, they're prone to have diabetes. So I'd have to give him his medicine and give him his shot, and then to again be that involved and then have to put him down. I was like, Yeah, I don't want a dog again. I don't want to do this again, I don't want to have to deal with them being sick. And then again, you think hospital bills is expensive, it's even more expensive for a pet, and then just being like, well, you know what, because it's just too expensive, we're gonna have to put put the whole baby down. I just I said I don't want to do that again. I just don't want to do that. And then, you know, after getting Luna, my sister's dog, he ended up, you know, getting really sick, and then they had to put him down. So I was actually there when they put him down. Skipper, my mom, and my stepdad were took him and and got and put him down. I wasn't there to see it. So it just made it me even more like somewhat triggered, like, dang, we gonna have to do this. Yeah, I don't want to do this. Even when we first got Luna, I I kind of had I was like, now listen, look at look at this. I I was working from home at the time. Look at this. I was working from home at the time. So I'm like, of course, this dog is about to be attached to me as a caregiver. Because I'm I'm doing I'm I'm at home with her the most because you know you're you had to work. So I'm I'm basically at home with her all day when I'm working from home. And then throughout the night while you're at work, and I'm like, she's about to be attached to me. And I try for the longest just not to be attached to her. I'm like, I'm just taking care of my daughter's dog. This is not this is not a family dog, this is my daughter's dog. My dog, man. I said, why do he do this? Because once I get invested, I truly get invested, and then I'm just like, man. Now we out here buying her a name tag. We out here, I'm setting her up with the vet, and I'm the point of contact. I'm like, man, I really don't want to do this emotional attachment stuff. I don't want to do it. Long story short, I ended up naming her too. And I'm like, well, here we go. Here we go. And then she started like laying on me, and she would like lay on my feet all the time. I'm like, see, this is not, I wasn't ready for this.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

But had we had we stuck with your planning, there'd never been a dog in this house. There'd never been one. You've you you planned it down to the to the tail and been like, no. Yeah, I said no, not right now. Not right now. And even then, from when we first went to the vet, I mean, since the first time we went to the shelter, to when I got Lona was almost like five years. It was like we went years without going to we never brought up the conversation of a dog again. It was like longer than that. It probably was longer than that, yes. It could have been six, seven years. It was like we went early in our marriage, maybe like year one, year two, and when you got lower than what was it, probably all dog talks for the next six, seven years. Like it was all like so in my mind, I was like, she there's no planning this. I I'm gonna have to just force this dog into our lives because she will plan talk her way out of this every single time. For good reason. Um, but and it's and it's great, like, we do balance each other because I help parents to understand that everything can't be planned or shouldn't be planned, and there is a freeness in just like just go with it, just go with the flows, be in the moment, be present, just go with it, don't try to expect too much, just let things happen and take course, and from there, you you know, you you can have your own experience and stuff like that, and not have to. Oh, did I do this right? You know, can I move this over to the that I touch just it'd be like, girl, just let it be, just let it be.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

You know, even when it comes to like packing Kobe's clothes, or if it's getting ready for a trip, or if it's going out to eat, taking something off the menu, and just be like, I do I'm the person if somebody like, oh, we're gonna go out to eat at this place on Saturday, I'm immediately looking up the menu for the place so I can see what I want. Because I don't want to be there in the moment and be indecisive, and everybody's like, Did you order yet? And I'm like, No, I don't know what I want. Which you don't wait at the table, she's like, um I mean, even still, I leave a little room for to be spontaneous because I might pick two or three things off the menu. So when I get there, I'd be like, between these two, what would you recommend? Or what you know, what's the popular thing between these two?

SPEAKER_02 42:41

Wow, that's still that's still planning to be like it's an attempt. Hey, if you pick it for me, then technically if it doesn't.

SPEAKER_01 42:50

It's spontaneous though, but I don't know what they're gonna pick. You've given them two options that you considered are good enough.

SPEAKER_02 42:58

But I don't know which one of the two they're gonna the finesse is crazy. The finesse is crazy. That is wild. There uh was a conversation about um where you be with all these conversations. I've always watched stuff. Oh, oh, it's like a video, okay. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Not like a literal conversation. Like where was I? I just wasn't part of it, yes. Um but there was a uh a video where um a woman was saying that she felt like she was basically she was saying like she was better off. Before she had gotten married. Like, she was married now, but she was saying, like, how. Oh no, I'm sorry. I tell you this back. Nope, nope, nope, nope. It all comes back. The wording is off, but this is what she was saying. She was saying that she had over romanticized her husband.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 44:24

And she was saying how she had there were things about him in the beginning. And she was like, oh great, he's this, he's that, he's that. But in doing so, like, then she got they then got married. Now she's like, oh wow, he's not so good at the things that I thought he was good at, or just so he's not at some point, she's like, oh, he takes accountability and he's willing to say sorry. But then they got married, she realizes, like, oh, but he technically has anger issues and is very can say very hurtful things with his words. And though he can some there's accountability there, though there's a sorry there, it still has to come on the back end of something that she didn't think he would be, which was kind of like nasty with his words and stuff like that, because she assumed a man that's able to be accountable and apologize wouldn't have such issues with that. And so she was like, maybe I've over fantasized or overphysized. I can understand that. Okay, great. Explain how how you can you can uh how you understand about it.

SPEAKER_01 45:43

Uh again, because again, dating, being in relationship, that's different than being married to a certain extent, as far as like exposure to like different excuse me, um characteristics of that person. Like you're not gonna see all of it just because there's certain like situations and life circumstances that might not happen until you get married, right? And then it and again, that might not then call it might then cause a person to show something that didn't necessarily have to or didn't happen while you were dating or in a relationship, you know. But I can definitely understand the over romanticizing though, because again, you're so caught up in the feeling, like this the feelings are high, like you're not necessarily rooted, I guess, in a realistic overview of like okay, what will marriage be like? At least, not most people, I don't think. Right. I mean, again, like again, dating and being spontaneous. Oh, I love it. But now we marry, you being spontaneous, okay. Wait a minute, we're gonna have to put some boundaries in place. With this spot, maybe because you know, again, being young and first you getting your check, and then because of work in the store, and you got your check, and you buying stuff that you've been eyeing, and I knew nothing about it. Oh, yeah, you know, I just decided no, no, no, we were supposed to come together first before you just went on a spontaneous shopping spree for graphic teas, weights, or pops, and you know, games, and so again, it's just like when we were dating, oh, a spontaneous we go on this place instead of this place, or you know, we're gonna go to the park and have like a park date or you know, stuff like that. It was nice, but then you know, being married, you can't, you know, necessarily it don't work the same way, you know, because now we have more responsibilities and we have other things to consider. Where when we were dating, you went back to your house, I went back to my house. Right.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

I I I I definitely I definitely can see that um because I know for me now I I would say unbeknownst to me, but I just fixed my mind for me. I did, you all cool. Okay, thank you. Um but um unbeknownst to me, um in my mind, I had you really overromanticized me.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

I had I was the princess in the tower. He was coming to rescue me. I have built you this giant pedestal. Oh, for sure. I didn't deserve it. I would have told you that.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

If I only I knew.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

I did tell you.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

I did tell you. No, you showed me. That's what you you didn't have to tell me, you showed me. Well, you probably wouldn't have believed me if I told you. I probably wouldn't have. Because the the the uh the stool was so high.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

Man, so but you're a hopeless romantic too, so it's not all on me.

SPEAKER_02 49:15

No, no, no, it's not on you. I I was the one who built the the altar. You know, I built the the pedestal. I was like, she is way up here.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

She's out of my leader.

SPEAKER_02 49:30

She is so perfect, she's so great, she's so this, she's so that. There's no way in the world she could ever let me down. That's a you that's so unrealistic. Very much so, yes. It like, but we had we hadn't really had any trials and tribulations like that exposed a side of you that I hadn't seen. Like, you were very much consistent throughout, and so I was like, oh, okay, yeah. This is hurting, yeah, cool, great, up here, you know. So I was just like, yeah, there's there's no way, like, I don't see this girl hurting me. I don't see her like we're gonna be great, everything's gonna be fine, it's gonna be perfect, great.

SPEAKER_01 50:22

I found one X, Y, Z, and then you wake up one day, not one day, and you're like, Hey bruh, there's a stranger in my house. Who the who is this?

SPEAKER_02 50:44

Like, who is this? You know what I'm saying? How did you get here? You're not supposed to be here. You know what I'm saying? Like, because but but for me, it was very, like, for me it was very, it was very earth-shattering though. When the image of you that I had built up and romanticized was finally broken, it was like a a reality check and a mind F at the same time. Like it was like, wait, she's not this, like she's not who I thought she was. She's not, and not saying like we're not talking about like your character or you know, or your your core values or anything like that. I'm we're just talking about like, oh, she has trauma? Everybody does. Like, oh she has trauma that, but no, no, no, no, no, no. The trauma that I thought I knew you had was like, oh, no, no, no. It's kind of like when somebody has a big uh an older sibling, and so you think like that's the only older sibling. So they're like, this my big brother. Or they're like, I'm gonna get my big brother. And then the other kid shows up to you like, this your big brother? And then the other, there's a bigger kid, like, no, I'm the big brother. You like, oh okay, yeah, yeah, y'all about to get me.

SPEAKER_01 52:15

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

You know what I'm saying? So it was like your trauma was like, oh, you think I'm her trauma? No, no, no, no, no. I'm the sub trauma. This is her trauma. And it was a bigger one, like, yeah, me. And I'm like, oh, I don't think I have enough Jesus for that. You know, like it was like, oh god, you're like, there was way more, there was like bigger, deeper rooted stuff that it was like I thought, oh, you know, let's say it was just like um overthinking. Like, oh, okay, she's an overthinker. That's my wife. I'm gonna work with her with that. We're good. Don't, I'm not in tripping. That's what she's even overthinker. That's not good. And then the overthinker was like, oh no, no, no, no, no. I'm not overthinking. No, no. Here's uh anxiety trauma, bitch. It was just like, oh, I don't know how to fix that. You know what I'm saying? Like, so then that it just created this new image of who you were that I was like, oh, oh, I don't, oh man. That's um, see, I was I was madly in love with this image of you. Um, this one, you know what I'm saying? Okay, I um this is gonna require. So this is you know what I'm saying? Like it just it really just because at that point, I it made me also question like so not not so much who had I been in love with all this time, but it was It probably just made you how much it just made me be like, man, how at what point it made me realize I too at some point got comfortable in thinking I knew you and realizing that I only knew the I this was only the beginning of what really getting to know you was gonna have to evolve, and I was like, oh you know what I'm saying? Um it's kind of like someone said like um who you marry is not who you end up with, you know what I'm saying? And so I was like, man, and so it messed me up because my pedal stool had fallen apart, and now you were falling from this uh high tower uh uh what they say far from grace. You were you now you're in this fall from grace in my eyes, where I'm like, oh my god, you know, she's not perfect, she's not this, oh my god, this is too much, she got all these issues, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 54:51

But I think the way you saw me was based on your own drama and issues.

SPEAKER_02 54:56

Yes, yes, very much so. Very, you know what I'm saying, very, very much so. So, and now that's exposing that. Now I'm realizing the the flaws of my own, and I'm like, oh god, no, you know, so it's just like oh my god, and it was everything that I think it's very sobering, and you just like dang um okay. I don't even know if sober is a good sober is. Oh, you said that's a sober is a good feeling. If you've ever uh had a hangover, sober is a great thing to start to feel. There was no feeling sober.

SPEAKER_01 55:35

Oh my god. You won't have these people thinking I was just like um Dr. Jekyll and Dr. High.

SPEAKER_02 55:42

No, okay. So here's the thing. When when we were dating, and even when we first got married, I was like, man, my wife is so sweet, she speaks so kind to me, she's so encouraging, she's so uplifting, she's like, you know, always praying, and like this is all I can ask for. Like a woman who just knows how to like even when even when she's frustrated, she's slow to speak, she's she's quick. And then one day, once the towers fail, oh my god, it was like towers, it was like in my mind, I was like, oh, I I have to deal with my attitude. But my wife, she doesn't even get my wife is so good that even in the midst of my attitude, she plays here. Until and then one day, my mom was like, hey, first off, let me tell you, and snap backwards, like it's kind of like when you tell a joke and somebody has a better joke. Like, oh, your shoes are busted, and they like, nigga, your breast thing. Your breast smell like that, and then it all right.

unknown 57:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 57:01

It was like you clap back one day. I think it's because you can and then there was more consistent clap backing after that. But it was like, I was like, oh my god. I was like, she can cut with her words, like, oh shoot. What happened to Soft Tone?

SPEAKER_01 57:26

She is still present.

SPEAKER_02 57:27

What happened, but but it also, but or even like, oh my, you know, I'ma encourage my wife, I'ma uplift her, I'ma push her. All she needs is somebody who's willing to push her and get her across the fence. Like she needs somebody to cheer her on and encourage her, fire her up. And then I realized she don't like that shit from about certain things, no. Certain, no. When it when it affects her, when it affects her in a way she don't like, she like, hey, but back up off me. You know what I'm saying? Take all that healing over there. And I'm like, oh, oh god, oh I thought, no, we were on the same. Uh so there was like there was this just this image of you just like that was falling apart in my mind where I was like, oh, there's more work to levy her than I thought. And I and in my mind, I had then realized, Vince, do you even know if you have the capacity to do that? Or have you been, has your mind been telling you, like, oh, you can it was almost like now I realized that the love that I needed was going to be unconditional, and I was like questioning, had I only been moving off of conditional? Because the conditions were fine, the conditions weren't challenging, the conditions were back talking, the conditions were snappy, the conditions were safe. So it was like now I'm like, oh, oh god, you know what I'm saying? So that was the the It just sounds so bad, babe. And it's it's it's really not really. You were, but for me, it was such a shock because I had romanticized. Gotcha. You were the real you was destroying the fairy tale in my mind. Okay, I can see how that that would be and so it's like I had this, it's like living in like whatever fairy tale kingdom, and then you just coming through with wrecking balls, and I'm just like, oh god, no, my kingdom. Oh you know, and you're and you just like nah, this is me. That just sounds terrible too, but that is man. So my my imagery is crazy, so it's like, you know, I'm like, wow, but it that's where again you realize like that's why so many people fall in and out of relationships, fall in and out of marriage, fall in and out of love, because once the the the romanticize the role romanticizing falls off and wears off.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

Wears off, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:18

Then it's like, oh, if this is the real you, or if this is what I'm getting, I don't want it anymore. You know what I'm saying? So it it's almost like when you order food and then you don't check the bag, and then you get home and you're like, oh, my order's wrong.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:34

This is what I got, and so these examples are just man, these are some cutthroat examples.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:46

That's not meant to be, but they're meant they're very like clear. Yes, but that but that's what I'm saying, is like that's that's the hard part of like, oh, but that's why like a lot of times I've learned to just like go with it. Like, if I get a bad order, I just like ah, I'm gonna just take it. Because I've I've I've learned to accept what I have in front of me, versus always feeling like I need to fight for what I want, and just learn to accept what's been given and say, like, you know what, I can make this work. And so, and that is like our same thing with our marriage. It's like, okay, this is who she is, these are her hang ups. She's she's imperfect, she's not the she's not the the the end-all be-all, she's not X, Y, C. She doesn't, she doesn't fulfill every need that I have. And thinking that your person is supposed to fulfill every need that you have. Right. You know, um, she's not um, like I say, the end-all be-all. She's not she, you know, I don't always wake up, you know, with the butterflies and the, you know. It's crazy because there was a point in time when I it when we were going through the the worst season of our marriage, and I remember sitting by myself and being like, I remember. No, I was sitting by myself, and Facebook reminded me of a post where I was like, it was the day after our our wedding, and I posted that next morning, like, wow, can't believe I just woke up to her. This feels unreal. So everything, you know, everything I ever asked for, this is the greatest day of my life. And I was so romanticized. And I'm just like, in that moment, I'm like, wouldn't even care. You know what I'm saying? Like, but realizing, like, oh wow, like there was a there was a part of me that was so like sure that nothing bad was about was gonna ever happen to us. I thought we just weren't having no trouble. There was, yeah, everything was smooth selling now. I can wake up next to you, the world is fine. And somebody had their hand on the switch for like world being fine and then world destruction. Like, and it just was like, one day I'm gonna flip this mic on him. Right. But I'm saying like that is the thing that I think people have gotten away from is instead of saying, like, oh man, this is what I got, and then saying, But you know what, I'm gonna make the best out of this. I'm I'm going to, we're gonna figure this out, we're gonna love each other in spite of. We're going to, you know, understand that people go through cycles and people go through changes in the world.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:42

Right, and I think that's what doesn't get considered.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:45

Yeah, and you know, you're always somebody different every three to five years. You're gonna be somebody different than who you were, and so your partner is always gonna have to get comfortable knowing that they don't know you enough, right? The pivot, knowing that okay, this is what you like then, but this is what you like now, this is how you used to move in, this is how you move now, this is the way you used to sleep in, this is the way you sleep now. And I have to not just look for comfort and consistency, but in also knowing that there's comfort in learning the pivot or learning that the change is coming. So, um, you know, and and and there's you know, way more we can get into about that, but definitely um, yeah, I think it I think that does happen though.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:37

I don't I don't think it's like you said, it's more common than not for people to romanticize in their relationships, and then again, in the beginning of their marriage, because you kind of still in that honeymoon phase, and then as life happens, whether it's to one partner or the other or both, it brings though you know that stuff up out of each other that again dating situations probably didn't or wouldn't have. Right. Um so I mean I think again, I think that happens more times than not. It's unfortunate that again, a lot of marriages or relationships end because of that, you know, versus people sticking with it or finding the value and again trying to figure it out, work it out, right, and saying, oh, this is something I can work with, this is something I can't, of course. It's like an absolute no, but I'm glad that wasn't our case.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:34

Of course, definitely. Um and so with that guys, we're gonna close. Um, I gotta get ready to go to work. Um and um, but enjoyed this episode. So hard, honey. For better or worse. He works hard.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:58

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:58

And um, you know, we hope that you guys enjoy your your 4th of July weekend. Be safe. Definitely be safe.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:09

Um wash your fingers and toes.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:12

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:13

Don't light them by the cars.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:15

Please don't light them by the cars. Don't light them all night. Don't want to hear that all night.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:19

Um choose the fireworks over guns, please.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:22

Please. Fireworks over guns, please, please. Um and you know, and and and enjoy yourselves. Get y'all some good food in, eat well, you know, stuff like that. Right, right. Drink a little. Drink drink responsibly. If it's if it's hot where you are, stay hydrated, man. Oh, for sure. Passing out people. Or sunscreen. You know, stuff like that. So, man, take care of yourselves. Um, and with that, I am Vince. Um, you can also find me on all social medias at maturity productions. Instagram is maturity underscore productions, um, Facebook, YouTube, maturity productions. If you look me up on uh Spotify or Apple Music, you can find my music at the Mature the Servant or again this podcast and others on the Maturity Productions Network on all podcasts and platforms. Um, Paris, uh, as always, that's a social media that you will never know and that you will never find out because she refuses to share it for the sake of not wanting to have any attention drawn to her more than this podcast, and she would rather you hear her voice than see her face, and so with that means see, and this is why he knows me so well because I'm so predictable, I'm such a planner, he just knows.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:50

But what I was gonna say was I'm Paris, and you can find me on all the platforms you just mentioned. Che Cole, Cheat Cold.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:01

Oh man. Um, yes, you can find her on everything that I'm on uh by proxy, um, while still keeping her private pages onto herself. It was that guys. We will see y'all later.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:20

Peace. Take care.